I'm Sorry, Master
by Smenzer
Summary: A funny story where Anakin is a vampire and Obi-Wan tries to deal with this odd problem. If you like "Pranks" you'll like this.
1. Default Chapter

Title: I'm Sorry, Master

Author: Smenzer

Rating: PG

Pairing: None

Summary: A short funny Halloween story where Ani is a vampire

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd and Fox. This is just for fun.

Author's Note: I got this crazy idea from the numerous times Anakin apologizes to Obi-Wan. He seems to be doing it all the time. So I decided to make up crazy reasons WHY he's apologizing! This is the 20-year-old Anakin from AOTC.

"I'm sorry I bit you, Master. It was an accident, really! Your neck just got in the way of my fangs!" Anakin explained, a hurt look on his face.

"A likely story, Padawan!" Obi-Wan grimaced as he rubbed his sore, bloody neck. "You're not sorry at all! I saw how you were smacking your lips!"

"Was I, Master? I'm deeply sorry." Anakin repeated. "It won't happen again."

Obi-Wan glared at his young apprentice. "It had better not!"

"It won't, Master." Anakin promised, a sincere expression on his face. "I don't know what came over me. Honest."

"I forgive you, Padawan." Obi-Wan said as he went into the bathroom to find the disinfectant. "Now go to your room and try to stay out of trouble."

"Yes, Master." With a sidelong glance at Obi-Wan, Anakin padded to his quarters. He burped in contentment and closed the door.

The Next Night:

"OWCH! Padawan, get your teeth out of my neck!" Obi-Wan wailed, slapping at the younger man. Gripping him by the long braid, he yanked Anakin back. He frowned at his student and grimaced. "It's not polite to bite people when they're trying to sleep!"

"I'm sorry, Master!" Anakin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, opening his blue eyes wider in an attempt to look innocent. He blinked several times for good measure. The shiny tips of his long fangs protruded from his closed lips. He backed a few steps away from his Master's bed and paused. "Can I bite you when you're awake, Master?"

"NO! You're not supposed to bite at all!" Obi-Wan frowned, his eyes focused on the teeth. "Padawan, we must do something about this dental problem of yours! And that puppy dog look of yours won't do any good!"

"But I said I was sorry!" Anakin repeated.

"That's it! You're going to the dentist!" Obi-Wan reached for the com that rested on the dresser next to his bed and prepared to make an appointment for Anakin.

"Not the dentist, Master! Anything but that! Please!" Anakin pleaded as he backed away from Obi-Wan's bed, a horrified look on his face.

Sighing, Obi-Wan put the com down. "Very well, Padawan. But you better start biting on something besides my neck or it's the dentist for you!"

Grumbling under his breath, Anakin headed towards the small kitchen he shared with Obi-Wan. Perhaps there was something there he could munch on. Opening the refrigerator door, he peered inside but nothing looked as appetizing as his Master's neck. His Master's neck had never looked that way before he had grown these long fangs. What was wrong with him anyway? "It's not my fault I'm a vampire! The way he talks you would think I became one on purpose."

A bright splotch of red caught his eye and Anakin reached for it eagerly. But his hopes sunk when he discovered it was just an apple. Still, it was bright red and he seemed to be attracted to red foods these days. Griping it securely in one hand, Anakin bit it. His long fangs sunk into the crisp fruit and instantly got stuck!

"Errrrrrrr!" Anakin groaned as he tried to pull the apple off his teeth, but the stubborn fruit wouldn't budge. He let go of it and shook his head vigorously, but it still was firmly stuck to his mouth. Closing the refrigerator door, Anakin padded back to his Master's bedroom. The sheet was rumpled, the blanket half on the floor but his Master's bedroom was empty. Going back out into the hall of their apartment, Anakin noticed a bright pool of light coming from the open bathroom door. No doubt Obi-Wan was putting more disinfectant on his neck. Stepping into the bright light, Anakin knocked on the wooden molding that surrounded the door.

Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin, the bottle of disinfectant in his hand. "Now what do you want?"

"Hmmmmmmmffff!" Anakin said, pointing at the apple."

"I can't understand you with that apple in your mouth!" Obi-Wan shot his Padawan an annoyed look. "Take it out of your mouth."

/I can't Master. It's stuck!/

"Of all the stupid things…" Obi-Wan rolled his blue eyes and motioned for Anakin to come closer. "Now stand still and let me free it."

Obi-Wan gripped the apple and pulled on it. It didn't move. So he pulled harder, leaning backward so his weight would help pull it free. Finally the apple slid off of Anakin's long fangs and Obi-Wan tumbled over backward and landed with a loud thud in the empty bathtub. He banged his head on the wall and grimaced in pain, his knees and lower legs dangling over the wall of the tub. Rubbing at his sore head, he glared at his apprentice. "Anakin!"

"I'm sorry, Master! I didn't mean for you to hit your head!"

"Go to sleep! It's late!" Obi-Wan ordered as he crawled with difficulty out of the tub. Bathtubs couldn't be used sideways.

"But I'm still hungry!" Anakin moaned, a pitiful look on his face. "Couldn't I have just a tiny nibble?"

"NO!" Obi-Wan cried as he eyed Anakin's fangs. Perhaps it was just his imagination, but they looked longer. He hurried past his Padawan and headed towards the kitchen, the punctured apple in his hand. "I'll get you a drink."

"Something red!" Anakin called after his Master's retreating back. A few minutes later Obi-Wan returned and handed him a glass of red liquid. Sniffing it, Anakin realized it was punch. For a moment there he had hoped that it had been something warm and tasty…oh well. Punch was good and he lifted the glass towards his mouth to take a drink, but soon realized his long fangs were in the way! He glanced at his Master. "You don't have a straw, do you?"

Sighing, Obi-Wan returned to the kitchen and spent a good twenty minutes searching all over for a straw. The Jedi and his apprentice normally didn't use them, but it looked like he'd have to start buying them. Finally finding one dust-covered straw sealed in a little paper sleeve, he hurried back towards Anakin. But the bathroom light was out and his Padawan was nowhere to be seen. Deciding to check his bedroom, Obi-Wan found Anakin nestled in bed and the now empty glass sitting on his dresser. "I thought you wanted a straw…"

"I got tired of waiting, so I just kind of poured it in my mouth…." Anakin admitted, red stains down the front of his pale nightshirt. "Well, it kind of worked…"

"Not very well, obviously." Obi-Wan replied, thinking of how he could possibly get the stain out. "Change your shirt. I don't want you catching a cold on top of this dental problem!"

Anakin sighed, but did as he was told. "It's not a dental problem, Master. I'm a vampire now."

"Don't be ridiculous, Anakin! There's no such thing as vampires! You've been watching too many bad holodramas again!" Obi-Wan accepted the wet shirt and headed towards the small laundry room. He would have to get it into the wash before the color soaked in. Who would have thought a dental problem could cause so many other problems? The wounds on his head and neck pounded in time to his heartbeat, pain shooting through him. He was lucky he didn't have a concussion from hitting his head that way. No matter what he had said to the younger man, he would need to make him a dentist appointment. Perhaps the Jedi dentist could explain why Anakin's teeth had grown so long and why this new obsession with red foods. Obi-Wan tossed the shirt into the tiny washing machine and closed the lid. Once the machine was on, he headed back to his bedroom to get some sleep. He was almost there when an idea popped into his head and he turned around. Taking the box of aluminum foil off the pantry shelf, he pulled all the foil out of the box and folded it onto one long strip about seven inches high. This he securely wrapped around his neck and taped it in place. Anakin wasn't going to bite him now!

The next morning, Anakin crawled out of his room and headed towards the kitchen. His stomach was rumbling noisily and he hurried to the table. He was surprised to see that Obi-Wan looked terrible! There was big dark circles under the older man's eyes and he was sitting there half asleep, his blue eyes barely open. "What's wrong, Master? You look awful!"

"I couldn't sleep." Obi-Wan admitted. "The foil kept itching my neck and it was driving me crazy, so I was up all night."

"Foil? What foil?" Anakin asked as he set about preparing breakfast for the two of them. He stuck slices of bread in the toaster and got the box of cereal out of the cupboard. He placed bowls and spoons on the table, and then opened the refrigerator to get the milk and juice. And since Obi-Wan liked them to eat healthy, each one also received a banana and orange. The toast popped up and the Padawan placed it on plates.

"The foil I wrapped around my neck last night so you couldn't bite me!"

Anakin stared at Obi-Wan, giving him one of his looks. "Master, you need some help…"

Obi-Wan glared at Anakin; put picked up his banana and started to eat.

Anakin sliced his orange in half and bit into one of the pieces. When his fangs pierced the orange, juice squirted across the table and hit Obi-Wan in his eye. "I'm sorry, Master! It was an accident!"

Shrieking in pain, Obi-Wan stumbled towards the bathroom. When he emerged some time later, he pointed an angry finger at Anakin. "That's it! You're going to the dentist!"

To be continued…


	2. The Dentist

I'm Sorry 2: The Dentist

"Master, I don't want to go the dentist!" Anakin wailed as he glumly followed his Master down one of the endless white halls inside the Jedi Temple. The Temple was akin to a city of its very own, housing everything a Jedi could need inside the giant complex. And unfortunately for Anakin, that included dentists. "I was there just three months ago for a cleaning! You know how I hate them digging in my mouth with their too-big hands!"

"Padawan, you're just scared of the dentist." Obi-Wan sighed loudly as he continued on his way down the corridor. "You know it and so do I. But there's something seriously wrong with your teeth!"

"There's nothing wrong with my teeth! You're just angry at me." Anakin skulked. "I said I was sorry…"

"Well, you bit me two times already with those long fangs of yours!" Obi-Wan accused, annoyed as one hand unconsciously moved up to touch his sore neck. "You're just lucky this bite didn't get infected!"

"I don't know why I bit you, Master. It's just your neck looked delicious last night." Anakin admitted as they passed through the doorway into the dentist's outer waiting room. To his dismay, the room was empty and that most likely meant he'd be rushed in to see the foul torturer right away. He could imagine it all too clearly. No matter how wide he'd opened his mouth it wouldn't be wide enough for the dentist and he'd end up with his jaw feeling all weird. And who knew what torment the dentist would afflict on his poor mouth today? He plopped down in one of the empty chairs and glared at Obi-Wan. "I better not end up being used as some experiment, Master! I'm not a test subject."

"Relax, Anakin!" Obi-Wan ordered as he went up to the front counter. The dentist emerged from a back room, a big grin on his face. He was middle aged with a balding head of white hair. "Master Kenobi! What a pleasant surprise! What's the emergency?"

"My Padawan seems to have grown a pair of fangs and he bit me twice with them already." Obi-Wan explained as he turned his head sideways and pulled his hair out of the way to show the purple bite marks.

The dentist frowned. "Well, I never heard of a human growing fangs, but let's have a look."

Holding open the little gate, he motioned for Anakin to follow him into the back room. Anakin sighed but followed. All too soon he found himself trapped in the dentist chair with Dr. Ike digging in his mouth. The Doctor's bushy brows rose, then he stood up straight. "My, this is serious indeed!"

Patting Anakin on the arm, Dr. Ike left the examining room and headed out to the waiting room where Obi-Wan nervously waited. The Doctor went straight to Master Kenobi and stopped before him, arms crossed over his white coat.

"Well?" Obi-Wan asked, his face expectant. "Can you help him?"

"His teeth are perfect." Dr. Ike said. "And normal. I don't see any fangs in his mouth at all, unless you mean the slightly pointed eyeteeth. But those are no longer than normal and their certainly not fangs."

"WHAT?!" Obi-Wan leaped out of his seat, his eyes wide in shock. "But I saw them! Why, last night they were so long they were protruding from his lips!"

"Well, they're not there now." Dr. Ike repeated.

Obi-Wan raced past Dr. Ike into the tiny room where Anakin waited nervously in the dentist chair. Running to the side of the chair, he pulled Anakin's mouth open and peered inside, only to find that Dr. Ike had been right. The fangs were gone! "Where did they go?"

Anakin glanced up at his Master and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."

The Doctor came in the room, a datapadd in one hand..

Obi-Wan pointed a finger at Anakin. "The fangs are gone!"

"Yes, we already determined that, didn't we? But you should be glad, Master Kenobi. It's one less problem we have to solve. But if they should return, which is unlikely, do come again." The Doctor pressed buttons on the padd and made little humming sounds to himself. "You know, Master Obi-Wan, you're scheduled for your dental exam in three weeks. Since you're hear now, why don't we get it out of the way?"

"What?" Obi-Wan asked, his heart rate soaring.

Anakin hopped out of the chair and patted his Master on the shoulder. "I'll be in the waiting room, Master."

Time passed and finally the two were on the way back to their quarters.

"I'm sorry you had to spend three hours in the dentist's chair, Master!" Anakin apologized again, a bag of antibiotics in his hand. "But Dr. Ike said that wisdom tooth was infected and it had to come out. You also have to take it easy for three days…"

Obi-Wan groaned loudly, half of his face and neck puffy and numb. Every time he touched his left cheek lightly it felt like a small mammal had stuffed it full of winter nuts. And soon the numbing shots would wear off. Uggh! "But where did the fangs GO?"

"I'm sorry, Master, but I don't know." Anakin admitted as he unlocked the door to their apartment and helped his Master get settled in bed. "And I don't know where they came from, either."

The hours passed and Anakin kept himself busy on the computer until it was time to give his Master an antibiotic. By that time it was late and the sun had sunk below the horizon. Getting the pill and a glass of warm water, Anakin headed into his Master's bedroom. Flipping on the light, Anakin headed towards the bed.

Obi-Wan's blue eyes opened wide and he pointed excitedly at his Padawan, a loud moaning sound emerging from between his lips.

"Yes, Master. I have your pill right here…" Anakin said softly to sooth the older man.

"Phhhansssss!" Obi-Wan moaned, his voice muffled by the swollen cheek.

"Are you in pain, Master?" Anakin asked, concern in his voice. He leaned over Obi-Wan and gazed into his eyes. "Do you want a pain pill?"

"Phhhaaggss!" Obi-Wan cried, pointing at Anakin's mouth.

Anakin reached for his mouth with a hand, feeling the two long protruding teeth.

The fangs were back!

To be continued…


	3. The Bookstore

I'm Sorry 3: The Bookstore

Obi-Wan stepped into the large bookstore and paused, taking in the rows upon rows of books before him. He was supposed to be taking it easy after getting his wisdom tooth out and browsing through a store certainly couldn't hurt. He just hoped they had a section on vampires. Not that he actually believed in vampires. But it was clear that going to the dentist hadn't helped his Padawan one bit. Spotting a clear, he went over to her. "I'd like a book on vampires. Do you have any?"

"Gee, I'm not sure. We don't get very many requests for that subject." The clerk was an alien that looked very similar to a seven-foot tall ostrich but with feathery hands. She bobbed her head as she walked to the store's computer to do a search. Obi-Wean waited patiently, the perfect Jedi. The clerk's beak seemed to smile. "Well, we DO seem to have one but it's an import from some far away planet and thus very expensive. Are you sure you want it?"

"Yes, please." Obi-Wan offered her the Jedi Temple's charge card with a grin. He would read the book and learn about vampires. And once he was properly educated, he'd know what to do about his biting Padawan.

The clerk went to the appropriate shelf and handed him a dust-covered book, an apologetic expression in her large round eyes. "We just don't get much call for vampires. People are more into airspeeders and podraces…"

Blowing the dust off the book, Obi-Wan was pleased to see it was about a vampire that had gotten interviewed. A broad smile appeared on his hair-covered face. "An interview! Why, this is better than I hoped for!"

The Jedi purchased the book for an embarrassing amount of Republic Credits and took the airbus back to the Jedi Temple. As soon as he had passed through the bookstore's door, the clerk went to order more books on vampires. She had a hunch the human would be back.

Back in his apartment, Obi-Wan settled down in bed to read. He was part way through the fat book when Anakin poked his head in through Obi-Wan's bedroom door. The young Padawan was dressed in black swimming trunks, a white towel tossed over one shoulder. "Master, I'm going down to the beach, OK? Do you want me to get you anything on the way back? I finished my chores and I thought I'd get in some swimming."

"The BEACH?" Obi-Wan leaped out of his bed in a panic, one leg becoming tangled in the light blanket that had been covering his legs. He tilted forward and would have fallen on his face if Anakin hadn't caught him. He clung to Anakin's shoulders for a moment and freed himself. He straightened himself, trying to look dignified and failing utterly. "Anakin, I forbid you to go to the Jedi's beach!"

"Why?" Anakin asked, confusion on his face.

"Because … because sunlight melts vampires and I'll not have you melt into a puddle!" Obi-Wan spun on a foot and retrieved the vampire book off the floor. "It says so right in here!"

Anakin glanced at the book for a moment, and then shifted his gaze back to his Master. "I'm not going to melt away! That's the most stupid thing I ever heard!"

Obi-Wan abruptly realized that there was a beam of sunlight shining in through his bedroom window, the beam forming a bright yellow square on the wooden floor. It was mere inches away from Anakin's boots. With a strangled yell, Obi-Wan shoved Anakin into his nice dark closet and locked the door.

"Master! Let me out!" Anakin cried and pounded on the door. "I just want to try Tru's new surfboard!"

"It's daytime! You're supposed to be sleeping!" Obi-Wan said as he dragged the blanket off the bed and try to cover the window with it. Of course, the blanket was uncooperative and Obi-Wan struggled with it. After much groaning and a few choice Huttese words he had picked up from his apprentice, he had the window blocked out. The Jedi stepped back and admired his handiwork. The bedroom was now dark and gloomy, perfectly safe for a vampire. Or so he hoped.

"Sleeping? But we never sleep during the day!" Anakin protested loudly from within the dark closet. "You're just angry because you got that tooth pulled out!"

"No, I'm not. I'm trying to save your life, Padawan! Do you want to be melted by the sunlight? Now hush until I get all the windows properly covered!" Obi-Wan hurried from the room to go cover another window.

But Anakin wasn't one to sit quietly in a closet. Focusing his mind, he reached out for the lock and made its inner workings tumble. The door clicked and he hurried out. He rushed past Obi-Wan and was out the apartment door before the older man could stop him. "I'll be at the beach, Master! See you later!"

Deciding he best go after his Padawan, Obi-Wan rushed to his room and grabbed the book. Then he, too, went to the Jedi's private beach. The beach, of course, wasn't a real beach. As built up as it was, it was near impossible to find any real beaches on the planet. Instead it was a man-made one. Young Padawans learned to swim there as well as dive and older Jedi used it as a place to relax and meditate. But to people Anakin's age it was an exciting place to hang out, especially on days like today when the wave machines were turned on. Obi-Wan arrived moments after Anakin and nervously settled himself on a nearby lawn chair. So far Anakin had been out in the sun for several minutes and showed no signs of melting. Nor did he look sleepy. A half hour passed, Anakin whooping in the waves and falling off the surfboard several times.

Obi-Wan began to grow annoyed. "Drat! Nothing in this book is correct! What kind of vampire wrote this thing, anyway?"

He flipped to the back cover and saw a woman's photograph. "What? But the vampire telling this story is a man! I've been duped!"

Furious, he tossed the book into the nearby trashcan and stalked home. He would have to find out about vampires some other way…

To be continued…


	4. The Search for Red Food

I'm Sorry 4: The Search for Red Food

Anakin tossed in bed, unable to sleep. As soon as the sun had sunk below the horizon he had grown restless. His stomach growled noisily, ignoring the fact he had ate a full supper just hours before. The image of his Master's neck appeared in his mind and he unconsciously smacked his lips. He felt the slight tingling sensation as the long fangs sprouted from his upper gums until they protruded from his lips. Realizing what he was thinking, the Padawan pulled the fluffy pillow on top of his face. "I must not bite my Master, I must not bite my Master…"

But the more he told himself that he mustn't bite his Master, the more he wanted to bite his Master.

His heart pounding in his chest, Anakin leaped out of bed and found himself exiting his bedroom. As if of their own accord, his stockened feet led him to Obi-Wan's closed bedroom door. He could hear his Master softly snoring, totally unaware that a hungry vampire lurked nearby. But then an image of the dreaded dentist popped in Anakin's head and he frowned. If he bit his Master again, he would be dragged kicking and screaming to see Doctor Ike and that was the last thing he wanted! The Doctor would do more poking and prodding inside his mouth with the nasty little metal pricks. With a wistful last glance at the closed door, Anakin slunk towards the kitchen.

Once there, he opened the refrigerator door and peered within. Earlier in the day Obi-Wan had gone shopping and had brought home a large sack of healthy foods. He had purchased several giant beefsteak tomatoes, as he was planning on cooking fresh pasta the next night for supper. Now Anakin reached for a plump tomato and eagerly sunk his fangs into it. He sucked hungrily until the tomato was nothing more than a hollow, wrinkled skin. Placing the wrinkled skin back in the refrigerator, he reached for another and sucked that one dry, too. The juicy fruit appealed to the vampire in him and he closed his eyes in pleasure as he drank. Before he knew it, all the tomatoes had been drained. Glancing guiltily over his shoulder, he was relieved to see he was still alone. Placing the last hollow skin onto the glass shelf with its cousins, he quickly closed the refrigerator door and hurried back to his bedroom. This time he didn't even glance at his Master's door but crawled right into bed, burping. Within a few minutes, he was fast asleep.

The next evening found Obi-Wan bustling about in the tiny kitchen. The Jedi Master was planning on making pasta, one of Anakin's favorite dishes. And since he liked eating healthy, he preferred to make his own sauce instead of using the bottled stuff that was high in salt and other preservatives. Going to the refrigerator, he opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks, his bottom jaw dropping open. "What…?"

Some odd wrinkled things sat where his plump tomatoes had been! The things were red like tomatoes, but all caved in. Dozens of wrinkled marred their flesh and for the life of him Obi-Wan couldn't figure out where his tomatoes had gone and why these odd things were in their place! Reaching for one, the Jedi poked it cautiously with a finger. Seeing that it didn't move or try to bite his finger off, he picked it up and studied it for a moment. The texture of the skin was familiar, if wrinkled and the inside…"Why, this IS one of my tomatoes! But what in the world happened to it?"

Obi-Wan stared suspiciously at the refrigerator, then turned. "Anakin! Come here!"

A few moments later Anakin came into the kitchen. He spotted the drained tomato in his Master's hand right away and tensed slightly, his nerves jumping. "Yes, Master?"

"Look what the refrigerator did to my tomatoes!" Obi-Wan cried as he held the wrinkled vegetable up before Anakin's blue eyes. "The temperature control must be acting up again. Remember last month when it froze the celery solid?"

"Yes, Master." Anakin sighed silently with relief. Obi-Wan had blamed his midnight snack on the old refrigerator. "I'm sorry, Master. I had thought I had fixed it."

"Well, it's apparently on the fritz again!" Obi-Wan tossed the tomato skin into the disposal unit and reached for the other drained tomatoes. As he picked each one up, he noticed how dry the shelf was underneath them. "Odd. I had thought it would be wet…"

Anakin held his breath and tried to act as normal as possible, but it wasn't easy. He had to be more careful and in control of his emotions; if he wasn't Obi-Wan would guess the truth. Yet he felt guilty. He wasn't supposed to be lying to his Master. Yet he didn't want to get blamed for draining the tomatoes dry, either. "I'm sorry, Master. I'll take another look at it."

"And I'll go buy more tomatoes. Supper will be late today, I'm afraid." Obi-Wan hurried out of the apartment to go to the nearest market. A half hour later he returned, a paper sack full of groceries. He pulled new beefsteak tomatoes from the bag and placed them on the counter, then pulled a few more items from the bag. "How is the refrigerator?"

"I did the best I can, Master." Anakin carefully replied, knowing nothing had been wrong with the unit at all. "It should work fine now."

"Good." Obi-Wan placed a few things into the refrigerator, then pulled out kettles, spices and the other ingredients. "Go work on your assignment. I'm going to cook supper now and I don't need you in the way."

"Yes, Master." Anakin left the kitchen, his blue eyes lingering for a few seconds on a plump tomato. He wondered briefly what he would snack on later when his fangs appeared. Knowing Obi-Wan, he'd use up all the beefsteaks in the sauce. But as he settled down in front of the computer his mind focused on the current assignment and he forgot about his nighttime problem.

Hours passed. Supper was eaten and now Anakin found himself once again awake in bed and staring up at the ceiling. His stomach protested and the long teeth in his mouth reminded him of the need to feed. Crawling from bed in a fluid movement, Anakin once again paused outside Obi-Wan's bedroom door. His stomach full of pasta and fresh baked bread, the older Jedi slumbered in complete contentment. It would be easy to slip within and take a little nip…

Anakin shook his head, the long Padawan braid slapping his face. "I can't bite him. I won't bite him!"

Pushing himself away from the door, Anakin forced himself into the kitchen. Like the previous night, he found himself standing in front of the refrigerator looking for red food. Opening the door, he glanced about hopefully. One of the bottles within the door caught his eye. Without looking at the label, he tore the small white cap off and locked his lips around the small opening at the top. Upending the bottle, he allowed the dark red contents to flow into his mouth. He swallowed the first mouthful quickly, but the second mouthful…

Anakin's eyes bugged out and he dropped the bottle, his hands clutching his throat. The bottle crashed to the floor where it shattered, glass and Obi-Wan's Extra Hot Red Pepper Sauce splattering all over the floor. "HOT…HOT!!!"

"ACK!!" Anakin staggered from the kitchen. "FIRE! FIRE!"

Sensing the panic coming from his Padawan, Obi-Wan rushed from his bedroom in his light-colored pajamas. "A fire? We must get out of the building!"

Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin and shoved him towards the apartment door.

"WATER!!!" Anakin tried to dash towards the bathroom, but Obi-Wan had a firm grip on his nightshirt and wouldn't let him get away. He was shoved out into the hall just in time to see Master Mace stick his head out his apartment door, yawning.

"What's all the yelling about?" Mace asked, who had his apartment right across the hall from Anakin and Obi-Wan, the later two being well known as loud disturbers of the peace.

"FIRE!" Obi-Wan shouted as he dragged the gagging Anakin down the hall, a good solid grip on the younger man's Padawan braid.

"FIRE?!" Mace dashed down the hall several feet and pulled the Fire Alarm. A loud bell and siren started to ring throughout the Temple and soon all the half-asleep, grumpy Jedi and Padawans found themselves standing outside in the middle of the night, everyone asking the other why. Once outside, Anakin had thirstily sucked most of the water from a decorative fountain, the entire front half of his nightshirt and pants soaking wet, water droplets running down his chin and neck. His stomach felt bloated and he thought he heard it swooshing with each step, but at least the burning fire within his mouth and throat was gone. Ferus shot an angry, disgusted look his way but Anakin ignored it. The two of them had never gotten along and they certainly weren't going to start now. The Jedi Council had gathered nearby, their loud voices rising above the din of the large assembly of Knights and apprentices.

"I don't understand." Mace was saying to Yoda and the others. "I could have sworn I heard someone yelling about a fire. Of course, I was half asleep…"

"No fire have we found." Yoda said. "Searched the entire Temple we have. Smoke scents there be not."

Mace rubbed his tired face, trying to remember why he had thought there had been a fire. The Jedi shrugged. "Guess it made a good drill…"

Obi-Wan glared at Anakin. "You better not have been drinking my new bottle of Hot Sauce!"

To be continued…


	5. 1800Vamp

I'm Sorry 5: 1-800-Vamp

Obi-Wan was in a foul mood as he rested on the sofa, a warm fuzzy blanket over his lap. Not only had Anakin drank his bottle of Hot Sauce, he had also lied to him about the fire. This entire vampire thing was getting out of control! He was toying with the idea of going back to the bookstore again when an ad in the Coruscant Times caught his eye. In fact, the word VAMPIRE practically leapt off the page at him. With any luck, this might be just what he needed to solve the unusual problem with his Padawan. Leaning forward eagerly, he read the tiny ad with greater scrutiny.

VAMPIRE HOTLINE! The only vampire advice line in the entire galaxy! All calls answered by real one hundred percent vampires, located in beautiful Santa Carla. Call today! 1-800-VAMP (please use appropriate area codes for planet Earth)

"Planet Earth?" Obi-Wan asked, confused. Did such a planet even exist? Sighing, he got out his padd and did a long and extremely boring area code search. After drumming his fingers on the arm of the sofa for fifteen minutes, the padd beeped that it had completed the search. Studying the screen, the Jedi soon discovered that Earth did in fact exist. It was a tiny world way off the spiral arm and totally cut off from most shipping routes. He frowned. The bill for calling Earth would be absolutely horrendous! He thought of trying to find an answer some other way, but the ad DID say real vampires took all calls. "I'll just have to convince the Council the high costs were necessary."

Picking up his communications device, Obi-Wan punched in the long number to the hotline. He listened to the ringing for a few moments.

"Vampire Hotline. This is David. What's your problem?"

"Hello, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi. My apprentice has grown these long fangs and I think he's a vampire. I'd like some advice on what I should do."

"Did he bite you yet?" The other man's voice asked.

"Yes, twice." Obi-Wan answered.

"Well, here's what you do. You let him bite you again and then drink some of HIS blood. Bingo! Problem solved!"

"I don't understand," Obi-Wan's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Will that cure him of being a vampire?"

Loud laughter came out of the com. "Of course not! It'll turn you into a vampire!"

"But I don't want to be a vampire!" Obi-Wan protested. "There seems to be a misunderstanding. I'm looking how I can cure my apprentice."

"It's fun being a vampire. You can sleep all day and party all night. What's not to like?"

"Well, we have work to do and I certainly can't do it with him biting me all the time!" The Jedi complained. He eyed the clock and watched the minutes ticking buy. His bill was rapidly going up and so far he hadn't received a satisfactory answer.

"What are you, some boring office worker? Chill out, man. Have some fun and grow fangs."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Look, is there someone else there I can talk to?"

"Yeah, one minute…hey Paul! Guy wants to talk to you. Seems he doesn't want to hear the truth…"

"Hey, Dude! What's up?" Another voice asked over the com.

"Dude?" Obi-Wan stared at the com in shock.

"See, it's like this: once you're a vampire you're always a vampire unless you kill the head vampire. If you do that, then all half-vampires will return to normal. But if you already killed someone, well, then you're stuck a vampire for all time, which is really cool because you don't age or anything. Comprendo?"

"So you're saying I need to kill someone to cure my apprentice?"

"If that's the way you want it. It's a lot of bother, though. I wouldn't do it if I were you. Just drink the blood, man. You'll feel better!"

Obi-Wan hung up, disgruntled. "Of all the stupid things! They actually wanted ME to become a VAMPIRE!"

"Master, are you all right?" Anakin asked as he came into the room carrying a little tray with a glass of water and his Master's pill. "It's time for your antibiotic again. You should try to stay calm so your mouth will heal."

"It's a help line for vampires!"

Anakin blinked. "Yes, Master."

"I mean, it's helping vampires! Run by vampires!"

"Yes, Master." Anakin repeated as he handed Obi-Wan the pill.

"They told me I should become a vampire!"

Yes, Master. I mean, No Master." Anakin sighed as he watched the older man take the pill and drink the water. "I don't know, Master. Do you want to be a vampire?"

"NO, Padawan! I don't!" Obi-Wan quickly answered as he watched the younger man carefully. "Now don't you get any ideas in that twisted brain of yours!"

"I'm deeply sorry I accidentally drank all your Hot Sauce, Master. Trust me, I didn't enjoy it at all."

Obi-Wan relaxed slightly. Besides, it was daytime still. He was pretty sure Anakin didn't bite during the day. "And what did you learn from that incident?"

"That I should read the labels before I drink anything."

"ANAKIN!" Obi-Wan's blue eyes narrowed in anger. "That isn't the lesson you were supposed to learn and you know it! We're just lucky that Master Windu didn't remember it was me that had shouted FIRE out in the hall last night. We both could have got in serious trouble with the Jedi Council."

"I know, Master. I already said I was sorry…"

"Go finish your report." Obi-Wan ordered.

Anakin returned to his bedroom and settled down in front of his computer. He stared at the screen for a moment, bored. His mind wondered to the upcoming night and what he could possibly snack on. There really weren't that many foods that were red… "If my throat wouldn't have been burning from that Hot Sauce, it would have been funny…"

Hours passed and the sun finally set. Once again Anakin found himself tossing restlessly in his bed, his stomach grumbling. With a loud sigh, he rolled out of bed and stalked to the kitchen. He doubted if he'd find anything satisfying in the refrigerator but he opened the door and peered inside anyway. At first glance it seemed to be all green veggies and the like. But wait; was that a spot of red way in the back? He shoved other items out of the way and his heart leaped when he saw a large jar of bright red something. Reaching in, he pulled it out. Eagerly he tore the cover off and was about to upend the contents over his open mouth when he remembered the Hot Sauce incident. "I better check what it is first. Master does love his hot, spicy foods…"

"Raspberry jam? I don't remember us having any raspberry jam…"

He sniffed at the jam suspiciously, and then shrugged his shoulders. The stuff looked OK. Getting a spoon from the drawer, he settled down and started to eat the thick, red stuff. A few minutes later he headed back to his bedroom, the empty jar left on the table with the spoon still inside it. He had just crawled into bed when a sharp pain stabbed him in the stomach. Blankets were tossed onto the floor as he raced to the bathroom.

An hour later he returned to his bedroom, one hand hanging onto his stomach. "It's a good thing I'm a vampire. That stuff probably would have killed a human…"

CRASH!

Upon hearing the loud crash in the hall, Anakin turned around and went back into the hallway. He flipped on the light only to find Obi-Wan lying on the floor just outside the bathroom door, gasping. "Are you all right, Master?"

"There's some awful stench in there!"

"I'm sorry, Master. Shall I get a new air freshener?" Anakin asked innocently.

"Get ten of them!" Obi-Wan crawled away from the bathroom.

"Yes, Master." Anakin headed to the tiny supply cabinet to do as his Master had bid. He retrieved the air fresheners and bravely lined them up on the bathroom shelf. Personally, he thought ten was too many, but he was required to obey Obi-Wan.

"What in the world had you been eating, Padawan?" Obi-Wan demanded to know as he slowly climbed to his feet several feet away from the bathroom.

"Me, Master?"

Yes, you!"

Anakin blinked his red eyes innocently. It seems the jam had gone right through his system and now he was hungry again. He stared at Obi-Wan's neck. "I don't know, Master."

"Well, you certainly ate something!" Obi-Wan complained grouchily. Then his face paled as he noticed the look on Anakin's face. "Why are your eyes red?"

"Are they, Master?" Anakin licked his lips.

"Yes, they are! They're red and beady and glowing! And you just licked your lips!"

"You should clean the fridge once in a while, Master."

"Don't try to change the subject! You're thinking of biting me!" Obi-Wan accused.

"I shall like something fresh so I won't get food poisoning…" Anakin mumbled as he took a step closer to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan backed away, then turned and ran. He hurried out of the apartment, screaming.

Anakin was hot on his trail.

Master Mace sleepily opened his apartment door and peered out, his eyes half closed. "Darn Kenobi! Stop with the constant racket! People are trying to sleep!"

To be continued…


	6. Life is a Bowl of Cherries

I'm Sorry 6

Obi-Wan sighed loudly as he say before his computer. He just HAD to do something about this vampire problem his Padawan was suffering. He had just been lucky he had escaped getting bit by his over-hungry apprentice. If it hadn't been for that nearby all night market and the outdoor display of ripe tomatoes... A shudder passed through his body as he imagined Anakin's long fangs sinking into the tender skin of his poor neck. The problem was he still didn't know what he could do. Heaving himself off the chair, he headed out of his bedroom to talk to the boy.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called as he poked his head into his apprentice's bedroom. "We need to have a talk."

"Yes, Master." Anakin dutifully replied as he jumped up from where he had been sitting in front of his computer typing a boring report. "Can we go practice our dueling? This entire period of non-action, of sitting and typing is driving me mad. When will we get another mission?"

"Well, Young One," Obi-Wan said. "I'm afraid we're grounded until we find out what's wrong with you. I can't have you running amok every time the sun sets and chewing on everyone's necks! It would be ghastly!"

Anakin stared at Obi-Wan, a bored expression on his face. "I'm sorry I chased you last night, Master. I don't know why I act that way. I'll try to control myself better."

"Let's try to solve this logically." Obi-Wan said as he motioned that Anakin should walk with him. They both could use a bit of sparring practice, so Obi-Wan led the way down the hallway toward the gym rooms in the temple. "That vampire I spoke to on the help line said something about Master Vampires. Do you know who bit you?"

"No, Master. I don't remember anyone biting me." Anakin honestly replied. "I'm sure I would remember such a thing."

"Hmm, that doesn't make sense." Obi-Wan commented, confused. He found an empty gym room and led the way inside. Taking off his outer robe, he tossed it into the corner and pulled his lightsaber from his belt. He turned around; ready to start the sparring session but found himself frowning in utter confusion. Where was Anakin?

"Anakin? Where are you?" Obi-Wan asked the empty gym room.

"I'm up here, Master." Anakin's voice called.

Obi-Wan tilted his head back and saw his apprentice floating up near the ceiling. Both of the young man's hands were pressed against the ceiling so his head wouldn't hit it. His long Padawan braid floated in the air, as did the long leather parts of his clothing.

Frowning, Obi-Wan glared up at him with hands on hips. "What are you doing up there? I thought you wanted to practice fencing!"

"I don't know, Master. I just floated up here…"

"Well, get down from there!" Obi-Wan ordered sternly. "This is no time for you to be playing games!"

"I'm sorry, Master, but I can't."

"Well, why not?"

"Because I don't know how." Anakin admitted. "I don't even know how I got up here! I didn't use the Force at all, Master."

"Well, this must be more of that vampire foolishness!" Obi-Wan huffed in annoyance. Clipping his lightsaber back to his belt, Obi-Wan moved until he was underneath his Padawan. Leaping up, he caught Anakin around the ankle and hung on. The older man's weight pulled the younger to the floor. He transferred his grip to the other's shoulders. "Are you going to stay on the floor like a normal person and obey the laws of gravity?"

"I don't know, Master."

"Well, let's see…" Obi-Wan released Anakin's shoulders and watched as he drifted up to the ceiling again. A scowl marred Kenobi's hairy face. "Now what am I supposed to do with you?"

"I'm deeply sorry, Master."

"Padawan, if I had a credit for each time you said you were sorry I'd be a rich man!"

"I'm sorry you're not wealthy, Master."

"Don't be sorry about that! Be sorry you're not obeying the laws of physics!" Obi-Wan sighed, then headed towards the door. "Stay there! I'll be right back."

"Yes, Master."

A short time later Obi-Wan was on his way back to their quarters, a rope tightly gripped in both hands. The rope went over his right shoulder and up into the air where the other end was securely fastened around Anakin's boot.

Master Mace came strolling down the hall going the other way and almost tripped over his own feet when he saw Anakin bobbing near the ceiling.

"Don't ask!" Obi-Wan glared as he passed the baldheaded Jedi Master.

Mace was so busy staring at the Anakin 'balloon' that he wasn't watching where he was going and walked into an out-of-order turbolift shaft and promptly vanished from sight.

Back in their apartment, Obi-Wan tied the rope to Anakin's bed. "I suppose we should schedule a doctor's appointment for you. Are you sure you don't remember anyone biting you? Did you drink any odd drinks?"

"No, Master."

"Maybe this is some affect from that Sith Lightning that Dooku hit you with, although I never heard of it." Obi-Wan rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and then shifted his gaze to the nearby bedroom window. He realized in a few hours the sun would be setting and they'd have another chase episode like last night. "I'm going to go out for a bit, set you up an appointment and pick up whatever red food I can find. Hopefully you'll eat it and not me!"

"I'm truly sorry about this, Master." Anakin said from his spot near the ceiling. "Perhaps I'm developing new Jedi powers. If I could learn how to control this, why, I could fly!"

"That's all I need!" Obi-Wan complained on his way out the door. "I can't control him ON the ground, how am I supposed to control him in the AIR?"

Obi-Wan poked his head back into Anakin's bedroom and shook a fist at him. "AND DON'T YOU BE THINKING OF PODRACING DOWN THE TEMPLE CORRIDORS!"

A guilty look appeared on Anakin's face. "Master! I would NEVER do that!"

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan frowned. "Admit it; you were thinking about it!"

"Well," Anakin said sheepishly. "Maybe just a little…"

"No, no, no! No Podracing!"

Anakin sighed sadly. "Yes, Master. I'm sorry I was thinking of Podracing when my mind should be on my training."

Obi-Wan left and Anakin was left to his own devices. Bored with just hanging in the air, he started to practice using his new ability. He quickly discovered that he could indeed move in any direction he wished by concentrating. Within a short time he was easily zooming around his small bedroom. He untied the rope from his boot and swooped throughout the apartment, whooping it up. Flying under his power was thrilling and so exciting. A heady feeling grew in him and he felt slightly intoxicated. This was better than Podracing! He settled to the floor and was pleased that his boots stayed on the surface once again. Yet when he experimentally leaped into the air, he could once again fly. Extremely pleased with himself, Anakin once again landed and headed to the refrigerator for a cold drink of red fruit punch. The flying had made him extremely thirsty.

A short time later Obi-Wan returned carrying a large sack. "So you're back to normal, Padawan?"

"I can fly!" Anakin happily informed him.

"That's all I need!" Obi-Wan moaned as he collapsed onto the sofa. He pulled out another book on vampires he had bought at the bookstore. "You have to see the doctor tomorrow."

"But I don't want to see the doctor!"

"You'll see the doctor and that's final! I should have took you there right away!"

Anakin glared at Obi-Wan and stomped to his room to pout. Hours passed and the sunset lit his bedroom with a red glow until that too faded. His fangs grew and his eyes turned red. Emptiness gnawed at his stomach and he stalked to the kitchen. To his surprise, a giant bowl of brilliant red cherries waited in the center of the table. Happily grabbing the bowl, he headed back to his room. Perhaps life was a bowl of cherries and Obi-Wan got stuck with the pits.

To be continued…


	7. A Doctor Visit

I admit I'm having difficulties thinking up funny vampire-related ideas for this story, so the updates may be a bit far apart. I will try to update (hopefully) once a week…

I'm Sorry 7

Anakin scowled at his master. "Master, must I go to the doctor? There's nothing wrong with me really…"

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan glared at his young apprentice. "Floating up near the ceiling is not normal! Nor is the desire to chew on my neck and growing fangs! You are going to the doctor and that's final!"

"Yes, Master." Anakin dutifully followed the older man out into the long corridor and headed for the medical section of the Temple. He imagined how fun it would be to zoom down the long hallway as fast as he could but knew his Master would never allow it. Obi-Wan knew how to take the fun out of everything!

A short time later the two men walked into the doctor's office.

"Well, what's the problem?" The Doctor asked.

"My Padawan grows long fangs at night, has a desire for red foods and he was floating up near the ceiling yesterday." Obi-Wan explained. "I think he's a vampire!"

"A vampire?" The Doctor replied, his eyes growing wide in surprise. "Are you sure you haven't been watching too many holovision movies?"

"No, of course not!" Obi-Wan fumed. "I don't have time for badly made films! I have work to do and this vampire nonsense is stopping it. I suggest you take a blood test…"

Anakin licked his lips.

Obi-Wan shook a finger at him. "Now you stop that!"

"I'm sorry, Master," Anakin looked innocently at the older Jedi. "Did I do something?"

"Yes, you were licking your lips! I know exactly what you're thinking!" Obi-Wan kept a watchful eye on his young apprentice with the odd appetite. "The blood is for the doctor to test, not for you to be taste-testing!"

The Doctor stood open-mouthed and watched the two in shock. Snapping out of it, he blinked several times. "Are you suggesting that he has been drinking blood?"

"Of course he has!" Obi-Wan cried. "He's a vampire! I told you he was!"

"But vampires are…" the Doctor started to say.

"Fictional." Obi-Wan interrupted. "Yes, I know. But somehow he caught it. I thought perhaps that Sith Lightning that Dooku fried him with…"

Sighing, the Doctor went to prepare for the blood test. A few moments later he came back with a needle and various other equipment. Poking the needle into a vein on Anakin arm, he took his sample.

Anakin's blue eyes darkened and slowly changed to red. Fangs protruded from between his lips and he hungrily stared at the blood-filled needle the Doctor held in his hands.

"LOOK! LOOK!" Obi-Wan pointed excitedly. "He's a vampire! See?"

Gulping, the Doctor raced from the room with terror on his face. "I … I'll be right back! I have to test this!"

Anakin shifted his hungry gaze to Obi-Wan. "Master, let me test your blood…"

"NO!" Obi-Wan commanded, his voice firm. "Now you stop that! It's daytime, remember?"

The red faded from his eyes and the fangs grew shorter. "I'm sorry, Master. It was the smell…"

Obi-Wan sighed and ran a hand through his thick reddish hair. "Keep this up and I'll be getting gray hair!"

"I'm sorry you're getting gray hair, Master."

"I'm not getting gray hair!" Obi-Wan corrected.

"And I'm sorry about the bags under your eyes as well…"

"Bags!" Obi-Wan cried, horrified. He swiftly spun around and snatched a shiny instrument off the Doctor's tool table to try and examine his face in the reflection. "What bags? I do not have bags!"

Obi-Wan turned back to face his Padawan and found the young man gone! Putting the instrument down, Obi-Wan grumpily stalked out of the exam room. He glanced up and down the hall of the medical section, an angry scowl on his hairy face. "Now where did he go?"

Feeling pulled in one direction, Obi-Wan headed towards the right. He passed by more exam rooms and slowly realized he was heading towards the surgery ward. He remembered this corridor all too well. Anakin had his new arm attached here. "Now what is that boy up to? Why can't he be normal for once?"

A loud gurgling sound reached the Jedi's ears and he paused, slightly confused. It sounded as if someone was pouring liquid… Following the sound, Obi-Wan pushed open a door and peered in.

Anakin stood before a water cooler, a giant pool of water at his boots. A refrigerator door stood open, red bags of blood visible. The Chosen One was happily pouring the bags of blood into the empty water cooler. Of course, now it was a blood cooler!

"ANAKIN!" Obi-Wan yelled angrily. "What in the Force are you doing?"

"Getting a drink?" Anakin asked hopefully, his hands paused in the act of pouring.

"That blood is not for you!" Obi-Wan hurried over and closed the refrigerator door. 'You're making a mess! And you're not going to drink that! You have no idea who it came from!"

Anakin put the partly empty bag of blood down. "I'm sorry, Master. The smell brought me here…"

"Well, I suppose I should be thankful you didn't leap on some poor soul getting operated on!" Obi-Wan grimaced at the idea. He stared at his unruly apprentice. "We will have to do something about that nose of yours…"

"I like my nose, Master!" Anakin fearfully cried. "Don't chop it off!"

"I meant putting something strong smelling under it so you won't go bonkers when you smell blood!"

"Oh…" Anakin glanced at the partly filled blood cooler and licked his lips hopefully.

"Come along!" Obi-Wan gripped him tightly by the arm and forcefully pulled the young man from the room. He thought the medical staff was in for a nasty surprise when one of them entered the room. But he had enough of problems with Anakin; he couldn't clean the wet floor as well. As for the cooler, well, he hoped some innocent nurse wouldn't think it was fruit punch. "We should get back to the exam room."

Anakin allowed himself to be dragged down the hallway until his eyes fell on a snack machine. Obi-Wan had walked right past it paying it no heed but the red licorice inside called to the Chosen One. He dug his heels into the floor and yanked himself free of his Master's grasp.

Obi-Wan turned to see Anakin's face pressed up against the glass of the snack machine, white slobber dripping from his open mouth. The Jedi clamped a hand over his blue eyes and groaned. Returning the hand to his side, Obi-Wan took a deep calming breath. "Anakin! Stop that drooling!"

Anakin ignored the words and continued to drool at the red licorice.

"Of all the stupid things!" Obi-Wan started to dig in his pockets for coins. Finding some, he gruffly fed them into the machine and pressed the desired button. Picking the package up from the slot at the machine's bottom, he handed it to his apprentice. "Now act your age!"

"I'm sorry, Master." Anakin said as he happily tore open the package of red licorice. 'I don't know what came over me."

"Well, I wish I knew who gave you this blast disease! I'd strangle them!" Obi-Wan started down the hallway again, his apprentice alongside him. "We may have to examine every person you came in contact with on the last mission…"

"Even … Padme?" Anakin asked hopefully.

Obi-Wan groaned. "Didn't you get that out of your system yet?"

Anakin remained silent.

"For all we know she's the one that bit you!" Obi-Wan pointed out. "You can't trust politicians!"

Anakin happily chewed on his licorice, his mood brighter as he thought he might get to see Padme again.

The two returned to the exam room but the Doctor was nowhere in sight. Closing the door, Obi-Wan sat down to wait as he watched his charge chewing the candy. This vampire business was getting more ridiculous all the time! What was he going to do with the young man?

Finally the Doctor returned. "Well, there does seem to be some odd material in his blood. Perhaps vampires are real after all…"

"Yes, I know that!" Obi-Wan said. "But can you cure him?"

"I don't know yet. This is all very new and exciting!" The Doctor replied. "Think of the papers I can publish in the medical journals!"

"My Padawan is not a guinea pig! He's the Chosen One!"

"I suppose I could do some research, see if this problem exists on another world…."

"You do that!" Obi-Wan replied as he pulled Anakin out of the room. It was time to head back to their apartment.

To be continued…


	8. Night Flight

I'm Sorry 8

Anakin had been sleeping in his bed and a sharp pain in his back woke him from a deep dreamless slumber. Groaning, he slowly sat up and groggily blinked at the dark room. He usually didn't sleep at night anymore, his strange craving for red food keeping him awake until the wee hours of the morning. But he had gorged himself on sweet red peppers that Obi-Wan had kindly bought him. Sleep still clinging to his blue eyes; he twisted an arm around to feel on his back.

And yelped when his hand encountered something odd there.

Fear coursing through his suddenly wide-awake system, he rushed to the nearby bathroom. Flipping the light switch on, he stared at his shirtless body in the mirror. He looked as he always did: brown spiky hair with his Padawan braid trailing on one bare shoulder, a slight muscular build, big black wings….

"BIG BLACK WINGS!" Anakin shrieked, his eyes almost bulging out of their sockets.

Anakin turned on the basin and threw cold water on his face. "Maybe I'm still asleep and I'm dreaming this…"

He patiently counted to ten and looked in the mirror again, hoping the wings would be gone. But to his dismay, they were still there. Turning on his heel, Anakin stormed out of the bathroom and to his Master's bedroom. And promptly walked into the steel door when the door remained closed. Obi-Wan had taken to locking his bedroom door at night due to his Padawan's biting habit.

"Master! Master, open up!" Anakin called loudly.

"What?" Came Obi-Wan sleepy response. "Go back to bed…."

"I can't Master. It's an emergency!" Anakin insisted, one hand clutching at a wing that stuck up over his shoulder. It felt dry and leathery yet warm. The wing seemed to be composed mainly of skin stretched between numerous bones. And they were large, too. The top extended over his head and the bottom tips were even with his ankles. The Chosen One was sure that if he'd ever extend them to full length that he'd need a lot of room…

"I'm not letting you bite me, Anakin!" Obi-Wan complained. "So you can just forget about it!"

"But Master," Anakin insisted. "I grew wings!"

"Right…." Obi-Wan's unbelieving voice replied. "And I'm the head of the Council."

"I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep, Master, but honest! I have a big pair of black, leathery wings!"

"You better not be lying, Anakin!"

"I'm not, Master!"

Obi-Wan unlocked the bedroom door and it opened. He gawked at Anakin's wings, and then closed the door again.

"MASTER!" Anakin cried and pounded his fist on the closed door.

"I think I'd rather you were lying, Padawan. It's too early to deal with this…" Obi-Wan yawned loudly from the other side of the door.

"I'm sorry I grew a pair of wings, Master." Anakin stated. "It's just, well, a tad scary…"

Obi-Wan sighed and opened the door for a second time. He stared at Anakin and slowly walked around his Padawan. "Sometimes I think you do this to drive me insane! You know that, don't you? How am I supposed to explain this to the Council?"

"I don't know…"

"Growing wings…" Obi-Wan rubbed his tired eyes. He wondered if the wings would vanish with the rising sun like the pointed teeth and the red eyes. If they didn't, how in the world would Anakin get dressed? And of course, they had to be BIG wings! "I don't know what I'm going to do with you…"

"I'm deeply sorry, Master." Anakin experimentally stretched his new wings outward, the stiff fold of leather knocking Obi-Wan to the floor.

"Watch where you stick those things, Anakin!" Obi-Wan grimaced from his spot on the hard floor. "You could poke someone's eye out! You should come with a warning label!"

"I'm sorry I knocked you over, Master. I was just stretching my wing joints." Anakin explained as he walked over to the nearby window and looked out at the night sky. Even at this hour the traffic lanes were lit with the colored lights of various airspeeders and ships. Coruscant never slept. The sky called to him and he wanted to feel the wind on his face and playing in his hair. He opened the window and stuck his head out. "I bet I can fly now…"

"Oh no you don't! I have enough trouble with you the way it is! You're not jumping out any window!" Obi-Wan picked himself up off the floor and rushed over to his crazy winged Padawan. "You're not going to go flying around and biting people at night!"

Anakin turned and glanced at Obi-Wan. "I wouldn't dream of biting anyone, Master."

"You bit me twice!"

"Those were accidents." Anakin blinked lazily and then turned back to the window. He stuck his head out further, the passing night breeze playing with his spiky hair. The air was filled with thousands of tantalizing scents and one scent in particular called to him. If only he could just leap out he was sure his new wings would catch the air. "Your neck got in the way of my fangs."

"Ha!" Obi-Wan gripped Anakin's arm as the young man was leaning way too far out the window. "Blast! You get back in here before you fall and kill yourself!"

"I'm not going to kill myself, Master." Anakin leaned further out the open window, the ground far, far below. "I just want to enjoy the night air. I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you."

"Upsetting me? You're trying to commit suicide again! You know I hate it when you leap out of airspeeders!" Obi-Wan desperately locked both hands around Anakin's arm, his real arm that is. The Jedi dug his heels into the floor and pulled backward with all his strength but it was to no avail. The vampire was much stronger than he was, something Master Kenobi had not discovered yet. The differences were more than just red eyes, fangs and a pair of wings. Anakin's eyesight had vastly improved along with his sense of smell and hearing. He was incredibly strong and as fast as lightning. A true vampire could move so fast to a normal person it would appear as if he had popped out of thin air. And yes, he could fly.

"I'm not killing myself, Master. I have a much firmer grasp of the Force than you do, Master."

"Anakin! I'm the Master and you will obey me!" Obi-Wan glared at his unruly apprentice. "You're too sure of yourself. That's how you lost your arm, remember?"

Anakin leaped out the window and pulled Obi-Wan with him.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" Obi-Wan shrieked as he desperately clung to Anakin's arm, the ground too far below to even see it.

His wings popping open, he transferred his screaming master to his mechanical arm. Carrying Obi-Wan wasn't a problem at all – except for the horrible racket he was making, that is. He got a firmer grip on the older man, his arms wrapped around his chest and under Obi-Wan's arms. "Will you please stop shrieking? You're driving me deaf!"

AAAHHHHH! We're going to DIEEEEEE!"

"No we're not!" Anakin insisted as he flew smoothly through the air, the wonderful scent leading him forward. "We're FLYING! F-L-Y-I-N-G!"

"Without an airspeeder!" Obi-Wan cried in horror as his mad apprentice zoomed and dived between lanes of traffic. It was even worse than hanging onto that murderous assassin droid had been! At least he knew that thing had been made to fly. His apprentice on the other hand… "You're going to get us killed!"

"We're doing fine, Master." Anakin sighed. Obi-Wan just hated flying. "I don't see why you can't just enjoy it. I do. Doesn't the wind in your hair feel good?"

Obi-Wan's blue eyes only stared downward. The lights of the buildings seemed very distant. If he were to go splat on the duracrete far below there wouldn't be enough left for a funeral pyre. "When we touch down somewhere, you're grounded! I mean that, Anakin!"

"Master!" Anakin laughed. "I'm too old for you to ground me!"

"I'm the Master and you'll obey me!" Obi-Wan cried and closed his eyes tightly as a tall building rushed right at them. If Anakin didn't swerve they'd hit it head-on. In his panic, Obi-Wan hadn't noticed the protruding balcony. His feet touched the ground and Anakin finally let him go. Collapsing into a boneless heap on the balcony, Obi-Wan gratefully kissed the nice solid surface under his hands and knees. "I'm alive! I can't believe I'm alive!"

"I'm sorry I frightened you, Master." Anakin stated calmly as he watched his poor Master embarrass himself. "But you insisted on hanging on to me…"

"Because you were trying to kill yourself!"

"Well, we're both alive and fine." Anakin glanced around; sure another vampire was near by. He was relatively sure he could protect Obi-Wan from the other vampire. But who would it be? "But we're not alone."

To be continued…

Hee-hee. I know who the second vampire is. Do you?


	9. The New Vampire

I'm Sorry 9

Author's Note: Yes, Ani could fly without wings during the day – but he grows wings at night. The wings just cause more problems for poor Obi.

"Anakin!" Padme called as she stepped out onto the balcony and wrapped her arms around the young man. And like the Jedi Padawan, she had a big pair of leathery wings sticking out of her back. They flapped slightly in the breeze that blew across the balcony the two stood on. "It's been so long since I saw you last…"

Forgetting that his Master was there, Anakin wrapped his arms around Padme and kissed her gently on the lips. He quickly discovered it was a bit awkward to hold her because of the wings and he wasn't to sure now what to do with his arms. The wings looked delicate and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt his sweet Padme. So he put one hand behind her neck and the other on her shoulder.

Obi-Wan stopped kissing the balcony floor and slowly raised his head. When he saw his Padawan kissing the Senator his eyes bulged out and his jaw dropped open. Then he quickly climbed to his feet and glared at the kissing couple. Obi-Wan was so focused on the unauthorized kissing that he failed to notice the wings on Padme's back. "ANAKIN! Stop that at once!"

Anakin pulled back from Padme slightly and blinked lazily at Obi-Wan. "Stop what Master?"

"That … that … SMOOCHING!" Obi-Wan cried, flustered. His face was red, more from embarrassment than anger. To think that Anakin would actually kiss a girl! How could he do such a thing, and in front of him?

"Why?" Anakin asked innocently, his hands still holding Padme.

"Because it's against the rules, that's why!" Obi-Wan informed him. "But you know that! Now I must insist that we leave and go back to the Temple. I'll have no more flying around without an airspeeder or you kissing girls!"

"But I like kissing Padme…" Anakin boldly admitted as he stared at his Master. "I'm sorry if it upsets you, Master. But it is perfectly normal you know…"

Obi-Wan's eyes widened and he pointed an accusing finger at the younger man. "You just want to bite her, don't you? That's why you came over here!"

Anakin rolled his blue eyes. "Of course not, Master."

"Yes it is! And I'm not going to let you!" Obi-Wan gripped Anakin by an arm and tried to haul him away from Padme. "Senator, hurry up and go indoors where you'll be safe! He's a vicious, blood-sucking vampire!"

"Well, I should hope so." Padme replied, a slight smile on her face. "I was the one that bit him after all."

Obi-Wan's jaw dropped open again and he gawked dumbly at her. He watched silently as she spread her large black wings so he could see them better. "You're … you're a vampire!"

"Yes, I know that." Padme smiled sweetly, pointed fangs poking out from between her lips.

"You bit him!" Obi-Wan accused. "It's your fault I have all these problems with him!"

"Master…" Anakin interrupted.

"What?" Obi-Wan asked, his eyes locked on the new vampire.

"Since me and Padme are both vampires, can I kiss her now?" Anakin looked hopefully at Obi-Wan.

"NO! You're not supposed to be doing that at all!" Obi-Wan cried, horrified at the mere suggestion. "I'd hate to think how long you've been doing that…"

"Since the wedding?" Anakin said.

"Who's wedding?" Obi-Wan demanded to know. "I don't remember us attending any wedding…"

"Oh, I'm sorry Master!" Anakin cried as he turned to face the older man, one arm around Padme's shoulders. "We forgot to invite you. It was one of those spur-of-the-moment things…"

Obi-Wan groaned and hung onto his aching forehead. "Every time you say you're sorry things get worst! Now whose wedding are you blabbing on about?"

"Mine."

"WHAT!" Obi-Wan shrieked as loudly as he could, shocked.

"Master, please!" Anakin pleaded as he waved his hands in an attempt to hush the older man. "This is a respectable neighborhood! You can't be screaming around here!"

"You're married?" Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin nodded.

CLUNK!

Obi-Wan passed out and collapsed to the floor.

"Well, I think he took it rather well, don't you?" Anakin smiled at Padme. Then he leaned closer and started to kiss her again. He had been happily kissing his wife for a few moments when a loud groaning sound caught his attention. Glancing down, he saw that Obi-Wan was awake and glaring at them. In fact, Obi-Wan looked quite angry so he decided it was best to try and smooth the irate man. "I'm sorry we didn't invite you to the wedding. I'm sure you would have made an excellent Best Man…"

"Anakin! It's against the rules! Jedi are not supposed to get married!" Obi-Wan picked himself up off the floor. "I didn't train you all those years so you could get kicked out of the Order!"

"Don't worry, Master. No one knows." Anakin replied calmly.

"I know!" Obi-Wan shouted.

"Yes and look how you're acting. That's why I didn't tell you sooner." Anakin frowned and glanced at his wife. He had really wanted to tell his Master but had feared the man's reaction. Of course, it really wasn't Obi-Wan's fault. "I'm sorry you're brainwashed by the Council, Master. We'll try to fix you."

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Obi-Wan cried as he nervously backed up. Anakin had that glint in his eyes again and it bode no good. Worst, Padme seemed to have the same look in her eyes as well. Sparing a quick glance behind himself to avoid tripping over furniture, he returned his attention to the two bloodsuckers. "Great, just great! Now I have two vampires to worry about!"

Anakin and Padme inched closer to Obi-Wan, their fangs sticking out of their mouths.

Obi-Wan backed up further but soon found his back at the balcony rail. "Anakin! Don't you dare bite me!"

"Really, Master!" Anakin said as he reached out and gripped Obi-Wan by the shoulders. "We're not going to bite you! I'm sorry if we scared you, but we can't let you go now that you know our secret…"

"Anakin is right." Padme agreed. "So I'm afraid you'll have to stay here until you promise not to tell anyone we're married. Surely it's not such a big crime, is it? Our marriage hurts no one…"

"Humph!" Obi-Wan glared at the twin pair of fangs. "That's what you say! He wouldn't have those teeth…"

Anakin hauled Obi-Wan inside Padme's apartment and shoved him into the bathroom. With a flick of a switch he closed and locked the door. "You can stay in there until you promise not to tell anyone our secret. I'm terribly sorry about this Master, but I don't want to loose Padme nor do I want to stop being a Jedi. I hope you can understand that."

To be continued…

So, what will poor Obi do?


	10. Still in the Bathroom

I'm Sorry Master 10

Obi-Wan pouted. His Padawan had locked him in the bathroom! "What is wrong with that boy? Why can't he be like all the other Jedi? He breaks all the rules, jumps out of moving airspeeders, married a senator and locked me in a bathroom! For all I know he probably spawned some nasty little blood-sucking babies already and will be asking me to sit on them! Well, I won't! I refuse to watch any babies that have teeth bigger than mine!"

Shocked at what he had just yelled to the empty room, he clamped both hands over his mouth. What if Anakin had HEARD him? "The last thing I want to do is give him ideas!"

Turning around, the Jedi studied where he was. The first thing he noticed was that Padme had a very nice bathroom, much nicer than the ones in the Temple. But then, she WAS an important politician. And as far as he knew the entire building was filled with politicians, even Palpatine had an apartment here if he wasn't mistaken. The room was done in a pretty blue and white color scheme. The walls were blue with brightly colored tropical fish decorations attached at certain locations. The basin was blue and the bath was huge with steps leading down to it. Odd little glass bottles rested in a corner near the tub and Obi-Wan suspected they contained girly stuff he did not want to investigate. Most women he knew loved smelly stuff and even a few drenched themselves in it, forcing him to hold his breath. He eyed a window higher up on the wall but he couldn't get out that way. For one it would be a sheer drop straight down and besides it was too small. No, he would have to get out the door.

Making a sliding motion with his hand, the door slid open and Obi-Wan dashed out. He instantly spotted Anakin and Padme standing near the orange sofa. "Anakin! We're going back to the Temple. NOW! And I don't appreciate you locking me in the bathroom!"

"I'm sorry, Master." Anakin said as he shifted his gaze from his wife to his Master. "But I didn't want you to tell anyone. Have you decided what you will do?"

"You're lucky I don't have my lightsaber or you'll be missing a pair of wings!" Obi-Wan threatened.

"Master!" Anakin exclaimed, horrified. "You wouldn't cut them off, would you? I'm beginning to like them…"

"You're not supposed to have wings!" Obi-Wan growled, frustrated. Then he shifted his attention to Padme. "How could you allow this to happen? How could you marry a Jedi?"

"Well, it seemed a good idea at the time." Padme admitted as she smiled sweetly. "Besides, we love each other. I know you must be shocked, Master Kenobi, but I hope you will honor our wishes and not tell anyone. Is it really so wrong?"

Obi-Wan thought of how Anakin wanted to stop the flying vehicle when Padme had tumbled out onto the sand instead of chasing Dooku. "YES! It is!"

"But WHY, Master? I love her!"

"Because if anyone were to ever find out about this, why, they could use her as a way to control you!" Obi-Wan explained. "Don't you see that, Anakin? We must be free of such things that others can use against us. You are just putting her in more danger!"

"But I still love her…"

"Master Kenobi," Padme said, her big black wings stretching up behind her. "Have you never been in love?"

"Of course not! It's forbidden!" Obi-Wan huffed feeling slightly insulted. Why, to think that HE would break the rules!

"Well, I assure you it's the most wonderful thing in the entire galaxy." Padme gazed at Anakin, a dreamy look in her eyes. "To live without love, that would be horrible! Love is like oxygen!"

"Hmmmph!" Obi-Wan crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the happy couple. "I still don't see why I shouldn't report this…"

"Master, please!" Anakin pleaded. "I promise not to jump out of any more airspeeders!"

"Anakin, you know that's a lie!" Obi-Wan told him.

"Master, I'm sorry I lied. And I'm sorry I locked you in the bathroom…" Anakin hung his head and attempted to look really miserable. He knew if he could look just heartbreaking enough Obi-Wan would cave in to his wishes. Well, the older man normally did…

"Since I'm here you might as well explain this vampire nonsense!" Obi-Wan went up to Anakin and gripped one of the wings in his hands. "Look at this! Now tell me how he's supposed to get any work done with these things in the way! He's supposed to fit into a cockpit you know…"

Padme sighed. "I'm afraid it runs in my family…"

Obi-Wan gasped in horror. "Are you saying Naboo is filled with vampires?"

"Not really…" Padme knew he was angry and he had every right to be angry. "Not everyone is a vampire, of course not. It's just this _thing_ my great grandfather brought home one day. He had visited this planet as part of a medical envoy and people were sick there. I think the whole place is in quarantine now. But I heard there were swamps and these odd plants that threw out spores. If you breathed the spores you got infected with a virus or something. You must realize this was generations ago and I'm just telling you what I've been told. And not everyone in my family has it, either. My sister doesn't nor do my parents. We really don't know why it seems to strike some family members and not others but that's how it works. I guess it's in the genes. Or perhaps it's the fact that I've done space travel…"

"Oh, that's just GREAT!" Obi-Wan scowled. A disease that was transmitted by plants! Now his life was totally ruined! "And how did HE get it?"

"Well, I bit him of course…" Padme admitted. "But it can be beneficial, too! Did you know we're telepathic?"

"And I'm incredibly fast! I can fly, see in the dark, my senses have improved…" Anakin quickly added in an attempt to sooth his troubled Master. "All in all, it's really for the best! I can be so much more affective as a Jedi this way. Don't you see that?"

"I see you want to bite me!"

"Master, I didn't try to bite you all day."

"Only because you were no doubt guzzling plasma from that blood cooler you made!"

"A blood cooler?" Padme's dark eyes sparkled with excitement. "Oh, I want one of those!"

"That's it! I'm going back to the Temple!" Obi-Wan stormed towards the door angrily.

"Master! You can't leave!" Anakin leaped forward and gripped the other man by his arm. "You have to promise first!"

"I'm not making any promises, Anakin! You broke the main rule!" Obi-Wan struggled to pull free of his apprentice's gasp but the vampire was too strong. "If you lock me in that bathroom again…!"

Anakin used the Force and called a pair of magnetic binders to him. Snapping one end around Obi-Wan's wrist, he hauled the struggling man into the bathroom. Once inside, he glanced around for something he could snap the other end too. The towel racks were too flimsy, the tub impossible and the basin…Yes, the water pipe under the basin would do nicely. Bending down, he snapped the cuff around the pipe. "I'm really sorry about this, Master. Really I am. But I don't want to leave the order and I don't want to loose Padme either. I'll release you the instant you promise."

With that, Anakin strolled out of the bathroom and closed the door.

"This is absolutely ridiculous!" Obi-Wan attempted to unlock the magnetic binders with the Force but failed miserably. His mind was too upset from the happenings of the past hour. Gee, had it only been an hour since his apprentice pounding on the door had awakened him? It seemed much longer… The Jedi shook his head as he bent over to study the pipe the binder was attached to. "I really need a vacation…"

To his dismay, the binder was firmly locked around the sink and he couldn't slide his hand out, either. That left only one option. Wrapping his free hand around the short chain on the binder, he leaned backward and pulled. He dug his heels into the floor for added leverage, then added the Force.

CRACK!

The pipe broke and Obi-Wan stumbled backward, crashing into the far wall. Almost instantly water started to gush up into the air.

"Uh-oh!" Obi-Wan nervously glanced at the door, sure one of the vampires would run in to yell at him for breaking the water pipe. But the door remained closed. Closing his eyes and concentrating on his apprentice for a moment, Obi-Wan realized the younger man was in deep conversation with Padme. Rushing forward, Obi-Wan covered the hole in the pipe with his free hand in a lame attempt to stop the water. The cold liquid sprayed out from between his fingers and from under his hand, the water pressure incredibly high so it could reach all the way up to the senator's apartment. Within seconds the Jedi was soaked through and his hair hung plastered to his head. He peered under the sink for some sort of shut off valve but could find none. "Drat! Where is that valve?"

The water in the bathroom rose quickly. It was already almost up to his waist….

The floor trembled under his feet and the Force sent him a warning…

Obi-Wan headed the Force and leaped for the nearby door, the pipe forgotten. He yanked the door open and flew through mere moments before the entire bathroom floor gave way to crash into the apartment below. There was a loud BOOM and the entire building seemed to shake and quiver, then another BOOM sounded followed by more vibrations…

"Master!" Anakin dashed over to the wet man on the floor and helped him up. "What happened?"

"My bathroom!" Padme cried in horror at the gaping hole in the floor where her bathroom used to be. "It's … it's .. GONE! You totally destroyed it!"

Anakin stared at the older man, aspirated. Confusion and weariness could be heard in his voice. "Master, how do you DO these things? I leave you alone for a few minutes and you destroyed an entire bathroom! No, make that SEVERAL bathrooms!"

Obi-Wan shrugged. The building was still trembling and faint booms could still be heard.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you just destroyed EVERY bathroom in the entire building!" Anakin sighed as his mind quickly searched for some way to explain the mess to the Council.

"And what did you say happened here?" Master Mace asked as he peered down into the deep hole where Padme's bathroom used to be.

"It was the Sith!" Obi-Wan blurted out, the only thing that came to mind. "It was yet another assassination attempt on the senator!"

"What a mess!" Mace shook his baldhead sadly. "Palpatine got flooded you know. He has the apartment right below this one. Woke up to find himself in a cold pool where his bedroom used to be. It's a miracle no one was killed. I commend you for getting here so fast. I'll see that you and your apprentice both receive commendations."

Obi-Wan gulped nervously.

"This whole building needs to be restored." Mace headed towards the door, and then paused in front of Anakin. The young man still had the vampire wings and Mace scratched at his bald scalp. "You wearing your hair different or something?"

"No, Master." Anakin replied.

"Well, the moon is going to be up soon so I'm going for a romp. See you back at the Temple." Mace headed out the door and the door clicked close behind him.

"What did he mean by that remark?" Obi-Wan asked, puzzlement clear on his face.

"I'm sorry, Master, but I have no idea…" Anakin sighed. "But he smells funny…"

"I think he's a lycanthrope." Padme remarked. "That's why he smells different."

"A lyca-what?" Obi-Wan and Anakin both asked at the same time.

"Oh, don't you two know anything?" Padme snorted with disgust. "A lycanthrope is a werewolf!"

"A WEREWOLF!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

To be continued….

Author's note: Mace is a werewolf in my other story, "Pranks", so I decided to carry that over to this story too. Hope that is OK. The main focus will still be on the vampires though.

And thanks for all the reviews! I cant believe I have over 100 on this story!


	11. The Council Meeting

I'm Sorry 11

AN: I had writer's block on this story **again** but it broke last night while I was trying to sleep so now I'll write another new chapter! Sorry for the delay the writer's block causes…. I hope it doesn't happen again.

Obi-Wan bowed respectfully to Padme. "I'm terribly sorry about your bathroom, Senator, but we must be getting back to the Temple. I'll fill out a report on this tragedy…"

Padme stared at him in shock. "You're just going to go? What about my bathroom? There's a big gaping hole in my apartment! I can't live without a bathroom!"

"I guess you'll have to move to a new building…" Obi-Wan suggested. He shook his head. "Those Sith are just awful."

"There wasn't any Sith! You wrecked my bathroom!" Padme cried as she reminded the Jedi.

"Yes, well, I certainly can't tell the Council that now can I? They would just ask _why_ I had been locked in a bathroom by my own Apprentice not to mention what we were doing in your apartment in the middle of the night. I'm afraid that wouldn't look very good at all. They would get the wrong idea and well, they just _might_ discover that you're married. You wouldn't want that now, would you?"

"Ooooooooo!" Padme glared at him angrily. The Jedi had wrecked her entire bathroom and had gotten away with it! All her lovely perfumes gone! "You are _so_ diabolical!"

Obi-Wan returned her gaze. "I'm just doing my job, Senator. And I'm afraid Master Mace will eat the Sith statement up. He's very obsessed with Sith you see…"

"Padme…" Anakin interrupted.

"What?" She shifted her dark eyes onto her husband.

"Ummm…don't get angry but there's a big pool of water creeping towards your closet…."

"MY CLOTHES!" Shrieking like a siren, Padme ran towards her closet and flung the door open. Grabbing handfuls of her fancy gowns and dresses, she started to toss them onto her bed. She needed to pack and find a new place to live. The Jedi had wrecked this place…

"And _that_, my Apprentice, is our signal to leave. Never come between a woman and her clothes…" Gripping Anakin by his wrist, Obi-Wan hauled him out the door.

"But…." Anakin stared longingly at his wife for a few last precious seconds and then he was yanked out into the hallway. They took the lift down and exited the building. Within a short time they were back in the Temple and Obi-Wan sighed as he entered their apartment. Now he would have to create a Sith for Mace… Oh, he wasn't worried about Mace _believing_ it as he had already accepted it as fact. No, it was the _lying_ that he disliked. A frown crossed his face and he led Anakin into their little living room. "Anakin, we need to have a serious discussion."

The younger man looked pensive but he obediently perched on the arm of a stuffed chair, his big black wings poking up over his head. "Yes, Master. I know what I did today was wrong."

"Anakin, you've been lying and now you got _me_ lying! And telling lies to the Council no less! If we both don't stop this bad behavior we'll both end up on the Dark Side. Is that what you want? Do you want to be on the Dark Side?"

Anakin shook his head. "No, Master. I'm sorry you had to lie to the Council about the bathroom. That's my fault. I shouldn't have locked you in there. It was wrong and disrespectful and I apologize. But I'm grateful that you didn't tell Master Mace my secret."

"Anakin, you're going to come clean with the Council!" Obi-Wan ordered him in a firm voice.

"Master, NO! I can't do that!" Anakin leaped up from where he'd been sitting and started to nervously pace the floor. He stopped in front of Obi-Wan and looked at him with big pleading eyes. "Please! I don't want to get kicked out of the Order!"

"And I don't like lying! One lie will lead to another and soon we'll both be lying about everything!" Obi-Wan pointed out. "Besides, I need to inform them you're a vampire…"

Anakin sighed. Once Obi-Wan made up his mind there was no way he was going to change it. "All right. But I hope you know what you're doing, Master…"

"Come along then. There's an emergency Council Meeting going on now and I want them to see you with these wings. Knowing my luck they'll disappear when the sun rises and everyone will think I'm nuts!" Obi-Wan stood from where he had been sitting and headed for the door.

"Now?" Anakin gulped nervously.

"Yes, now. It's better if you get it out of the way. All these secrets will destroy you. You _do_ know that, don't you?"

The younger man nodded glumly but followed Obi-Wan out the door. The walked through the sleeping Temple and entered the circular room. The Council Chamber had soft chairs going around the outer wall of the room and a Jedi Master sat in each chair. Obi-Wan moved to the center of the room and Anakin followed him, his stomach tied in a knot.

"Something to report do you have?" Master Yoda asked.

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan replied. "I'm afraid my Apprentice has contracted a virus that has changed him into a vampire…"

Anakin could feel the Council Members eyes on him and he tried to keep his emotions under control but it wasn't easy. He feared what they would say. And what about later? Obi-Wan expected him to come clean and that meant telling them about his marriage to Padme…

The Council was silent.

"Well? Don't you have something to say on this matter?" Obi-Wan finally asked, as he grew tired of waiting. He had expected exclamations of shock or sorrow or _something_! His blue eyes shifted around the room and finally landed on Mace. But wait! What was that hairy _thing_ sitting in Mace's chair? Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes as he took a closer look. Eeeew, it had a long nasty looking snout filled with sharp teeth, red glowing eyes and thick black fur. Even as he watched it the thing lifted a long hind foot and started to gnaw on it! The yellowish teeth gnashed at the narrow leg bone and the startled Jedi gasped. Helifted a shaking finger and pointed it at the hairy beast. "Where … where is Master Mace?"

"I _am_ Master Mace!" The hairy creature replied as it lifted its head from gnawing in its own leg. "I'm a werewolf. It's a full moon tonight. What else did you expect?"

"But … but … you're _chewing_ on your own leg!" Obi-Wan exclaimed in horror.

"These fleas are murdering me! I forgot to go down to the vet and pick up a package of _Advantage_ to put on the back of my neck so now I'm trying to bite them…" Mace complained as he lowered his head to gnaw at his leg again.

Obi-Wan gawked, his mouth hanging open.

_Mace was a werewolf!_

"Oh and as far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with your Apprentice being a vampire…" Mace commented as he spitted a big mouthful of black fur onto the floor.

Jedi Master Ki-Adi-Mundi scratched his snowy white beard. "Mace, stop sending your fleas by me!"

"Yes! Yes! Bite they do!" Yoda agreed as he scratched at his body and arms.

"We of the Council are not prejudice against other species." Mace informed Obi-Wan. "The only kinds we _don't_ like are Sith!"

"Yes! Sith we do not like!" Yoda scratched harder, his face twisted in deep concentration.

"Well, all right." Obi-Wan said uncertainly. This certainly was _not_ the reaction he had expected! "But what about when he tries to bite me?"

"Well, like I just said there's nothing wrong with being a vampire…" Mace stated as he leaned forward in his chair to stare at Obi-Wan with red glowing eyes.

Obi-Wan gulped nervously. Those red eyes… Those eyes looked very _evil_ and _creepy_. The eyes were blood red with a little black dot in the center and how they stared at him, why it made his skin crawl. Then his gaze lowered to the gaping jaws… Mace's mouth was filled with sharp teeth… "Well, perhaps you misunderstand but what I'm trying to say is he has picked up a nasty habit of wanting to drink blood, usually _my_ blood!"

"Master Obi-Wan, know nothing of vampires do you?" Yoda asked. "Bite best friends they do. Instinct it is."

"Well, _that_ explains it!" Obi-Wan moaned.

"Hey, you want to know what I eat as a werewolf?" Mace asked as he licked his lips, eyeing Kenobi.

Obi-Wan suddenly grew very nervous. "No, no I don't."

Anakin snickered as he partly enjoyed his Master's discomfort. It was clear that poor Obi-Wan's plan for talking to the Council had failed miserably! Then Anakin concentrated his eyes on Mace and glared at the Lycanthrope.

/_Back off!_/

Mace looked so startled he almost fell off his chair when he had received the mental communication. But Mace quickly recovered and settled himself more firmly on his chair and attempted to hide his shock. But everyone knew that in a battle between a vampire and a werewolf the vampire would always win. It just had more power and Anakin had already been the most powerful Jedi before he had gone through the change. "Well, do you two have any other news for the Council?"

"Umm…yes." Obi-Wan nervously admitted. "I'm afraid Senator Amidala is a vampire as well…"

"Knew this we did." Yoda informed him. "On her medical file it is."

"And you didn't _tell_ us?" Obi-Wan looked outraged as he stared at the little green alien. "She _bit_ my Apprentice!"

"Other news do you have?" Yoda asked.

"Yes, I have more news!" Obi-Wan said a bit hotheadedly. "There wasn't any Sith at the Senator's apartment tonight, OK? I broke the water pipe because Anakin locked me in the bathroom!"

The Jedi Council was quiet for a moment and then they all busted out laughing. Mace roared so loudly that Obi-Wan was forced to cover his ears with his hands. After several moments the laughter died away to chuckles. Several were forced to blow their noses with tissues and wipe their wet eyes.

"I'm serious!" Obi-Wan said stiffly.

"Yes, we know you're serious." Mace scratched his long claws through the thick fur of his arm. "And we know it took a lot of courage to admit it. But the Senators will just use it as an excuse to remodel and go buy more outrageous stuff you know how they are. I'm sure they're planning stuff already…"

"And you're not angry or anything?"

"Accidents happen. Personally I think its kind of funny. That expression on Palpatine's face…" Mace laughed, his long snout wide open so you could see all of his pointed teeth.

Obi-Wan smiled in relief. The Council was in a good mood tonight. "I think my Apprentice has something he'd like to say, don't you, Anakin?"

"Well…" Anakin gulped nervously, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Yes! Yes! Tell us!" Yoda encouraged.

"Come on, Son. You can tell us." Mace agreed as he scratched at the back of his neck.

"I'm not sure how to say this…" Anakin hesitated, exhaling a big puff of breath. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment and then shifted his gaze out the long row of windows that was in the Council Room. He could see the ever-busy rows of glowing traffic, the tall buildings lit up in the dark of night. It was all very pretty and peaceful. "But I'm sort of married to Senator Amidala."

Anakin's heart beat wildly in his chest and sweat gathered on his brow. He couldn't believe he had actually _told_ them! Now he'd be expelled and it would all be Obi-Wan's fault! Time seamed to tick by and the Council just sat there. Anakin grew impatient and his eyes darkened. "Well? Are you going to expel me?"

"Of course not!" Mace chuckled as he leaned forward again, his red eyes focused on the nervous young man. "Anakin, we're _all _married!"

"WHAT!" Obi-Wan screamed in shock. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE ALL MARRIED? IT'S AGAINST THE RULES!"

"Calm you be, Master Obi-Wan!" Yoda pleaded as he waved his little green hands in the air.

"Oh, come on!" Mace rolled his red eyes. "No one ever listens to _that_ rule! Well, no one but _you_, that is!"

"Yes! Yes! Where do crèche babies come from do you think?" Yoda asked.

Groaning loudly, Obi-Wan passed out and collapsed to the floor with a loud thud.

Anakin stared down at his Master for a moment and then bent to pick him up. "I'll just take him back to our quarters…"

Mace smiled, all sharp teeth. "Bon appetite!"

To be continued….

OK, hope that was funny… Thanks for all the reviews!

Disclaimer: Advantage belongs to whoever owns the stuff. I just use it on my cats. But I guess it should work on werewolves, too. Hee-hee.


	12. A Visit From Padme

I'm Sorry, Master 12

Author's Note: I will try to continue this crazy vampire story. And _please_ don't get offended if Anakin drinks a little blood. This IS a VAMPIRE story: it's what vampires do.

Obi-Wan moaned as he slowly opened his eyes. The back of his head felt slightly sore and he cautiously rubbed at the aching spot. What had happened? The last thing he remembered was being in the Council Room. Anakin had finally confessed his awful crime, that he had secretly married Padme…

Suddenly memory flooded back into his mind and he shot straight up to a sitting position. No! It couldn't be true! All the Jedi couldn't be secretly married! Panic griped his insides and he nervously wrung his hands together. His blue eyes darted around the room and a soft sigh escaped his parted lips. He was in his bedroom, in his bed. "It all must have been a horrible nightmare! Yes, that's what it was! A nightmare brought on by all this foolish vampire stuff!"

The Jedi nodded his head. It all made sense, perfect sense. The stress of having to deal with Anakin in this state must have sent him around the bend a bit. The constant worrying about getting bit, the buying of red food, the fact he had married, the wrecking of an entire building through flooding a bathroom, the lying to Master Mace… it all was just to much! The dream was nothing but a reaction to all that.

Wasn't it?

"Well, I suppose it can't get any worst, can it?" Obi-Wan muttered as he glanced towards his bedroom window. Soon the sun would be up and he prayed things would go back to normal, whatever that was these days. With Anakin, one never knew. The boy had a habit of creating the most odd problems! A frown crossed his weary face as a new realization sunk into his still-tired mind. Anakin had just seen the Senator again. He'd go back to mooning over her, pleading to see her! It would be terrible! "I won't get a moment of peace now that he's admitted he's married!"

DING DONG

"Drat! Someone's at the door!" Obi-Wan threw off the light blanket and put his feet onto the floor. He glanced around for a moment for his slippers. Where had they gone? He knew they had been here last night when he had first retired. Of course, that had been before his headstrong Apprentice had decided to go zooming through the traffic lanes without an airspeeder! Bending, the Jedi tried to peer under his bed…

DING DONG

"Yes! Yes! I'm coming!" Obi-Wan shouted as he stood. Straightening his pajamas, he hurried out of his bedroom to the door of his apartment. No doubt it was Mace again. Force, could that man complain! Without warning, the image of Mace as a werewolf floated to the forefront of his mind unbidden. He had looked so utterly _horrible_! A shiver passed through Obi-Wan's body as he thought of that snout of sharp teeth, the creepy red eyes with the black beady dots in the center. If it was Mace on the other side of the door, did he really want to open it? But then, Mace was his superior. And if he thought of it logically, he had lived across the hall from the werewolf all these years without a single thing happening. Unlike his Padawan…

So Obi-Wan threw open the door and his bottom jaw dropped several inches.

"Hello, Obi-Wan!" Padme said happily from where she stood in the still-deserted hall, several fat suitcases resting next to her feet.

"May I help you with something?" The Jedi said, his voice uncertain. The nervous bubbling in his stomach increased as his blue eyes landed on the suitcases. It didn't look good, no it didn't. He couldn't think up a single good reason why she and her suitcases would be outside his door, not to mention in the Temple. Unless she needed help carrying all of them, but no, that didn't work because how did she get them here?

"Oh, I thought I'd move in with you and Anakin." Padme explained in her dignified voice.

"Look, this is the _Jedi Temple_!" Obi-Wan quickly replied as his eyes darted up and back down the hall. "You can't stay _here_!"

"But you wrecked my apartment!" Padme accused as she stared at him defiantly. "I don't have anywhere else to go!"

"But this is _Coruscant_!" Obi-Wan cried as he squeezed past her out into the hall. Any moment now he was scared some Jedi or another might come waltzing through and _see_ her! "There are thousands of buildings here! Surely one of them must have a place you could stay!"

A frown creased her pretty face. "Master Obi-Wan, I realize as a Jedi you never had to hunt for an apartment. But I assure you that on this world finding a place to stay is _not_ easy. All the good places are rented _months_ in advance! And if you remember, I need high security with the Sith trying to kill me and all. And thanks to you, my apartment is just not livable."

Obi-Wan sighed. Obviously it wasn't going to be as easy getting rid of her as he had thought. A distant sound reached his ears and he tilted his head sideways a bit. Footsteps! Reacting quickly, he shoved her roughly in through the open door and tossed her suitcases in after her. Then he raced into the apartment himself, stumbling over the plump suitcases and almost falling on his face. Luckily, he managed to catch his balance just in time. Turning on a heel, he palmed the door shut and locked it. Then and only then did he breath a sigh of relief.

Padme stared at him, concerned. "Is there something wrong, Master Kenobi?"

"Yes!" Obi-Wan cried. "There's a _girl_ outside my apartment, that's what!"

Padme's face relaxed. "Oh, is that all? Well, you don't need to worry. I'll just move in with Anakin…"

"ACK!" Obi-Wan exclaimed in utter horror. This situation was getting worst and worst! "No, no, no! You can't move in with my Apprentice!"

"But we _are_ married. I assure you it's perfectly suitable." Padme moved further into the little apartment and glanced around with interest. She saw a small sofa, a holovision with a dead plant on it. "Hmmm… this place is worst than I thought. You need a woman's touch around here. I'd hate to think what your bathroom might look like."

Obi-Wan groaned loudly and sunk onto the sofa, his head in his hands. "Why me? Who does it all have to happen to me?"

Anakin appeared from the direction of the bedrooms and his face lit up upon seeing his wife standing in the small living room. "Padme!"

He ran forward and carefully wrapped his arms around her. Both still possessed their big bat-like wings so he had to be careful how he held her.

"Oooh, now I have TWO of them to deal with! Woe is me…" Obi-Wan moaned. "I'll be dead and drained dry within a week! No, less than a week!"

But the two vampires ignored him as they happily started to kiss each other. The Jedi glanced up and his face paled at the sight. Not wishing to see what he still thought of as rule breaking, he covered his eyes with the palms of his hands. Surely they couldn't do it for too long, could they? He had been sitting that way for about five minutes when a horrible moaning got his attention. Taking his hands away from his face, he chanced a glance and was annoyed to still see them lip to lip! "Anakin! This has gone on long enough!"

"Mmmmmpphhhh!" Anakin said, his voice all muffled.

"What? I can't understand you like that! Now pull your mouth away from her in that vulgar display!" ordered Obi-Wan.

/I can't, Master! We're stuck!./

Obi-Wan blinked at the mental communication from his Apprentice. His blue eyes narrowed on the couple before him. "What do you mean, you're stuck?"

/Our fangs got tangled, I think…/

Obi-Wan threw both hands up in the air. "That is the most stupid thing I ever heard!"

/You got to help us/

Obi-Wan shook an annoyed fist at his Padawan. "That is what you get for breaking rules, Anakin! Let this be a lesson to you!"

/But…/

"No buts about it. Besides, the sun will be up soon and your fangs will disappear then." Obi-wan pointed out. "At least you can't bite me that way!"

/Master, you are so paranoid/

"I am not paranoid! You bit me two times already! I don't enjoy being your midnight snack!"

Just then the sun came up over the horizon and like magic the fangs faded away. Padme and Anakin pulled apart from each other and stared into the other's eyes dreamily. It was enough to make Obi-Wan sick!

"You can share my room if you want, Padme…" Anakin offered happily as he picked up two of the suitcases and carried them to his room. Upon entering his small bedroom, he suddenly remembered what a pigsty it was with droid parts scattered everywhere, a dirty glass with some unidentified drink hardened on the bottom of it and socks scattered about. "Um, it's a bit messy I'm afraid…"

Padme glanced around and realized her old bathroom had been bigger than this. She had known Jedi lived simply, but this was a bit much. Curious, she pulled open the closet door and peered inside. A few scattered Jedi tunics, pants and robe hung within. But her dark eyes didn't see her husband's clothes, oh no. She saw how _tiny_ the closet was. "Where am I going to put all my clothes?"

"In the closet…" Anakin replied.

"What closet? Certainly not _this_ closet!" Padme shook her head; the long curls falling down her back in beautiful waves. "And I have all my hats…"

"Well, we'll think up something!" Anakin promised his wife.

A few moments later Anakin entered his Master's bedroom, a handful of clothes in his arms.

Obi-Wan glanced up from where he sat in front of his computer where he was pretending to be busy. In reality, he was thinking what he was going to do about Padme. There just _had_ to be a solution to this mess! "Where are you going with those clothes?"

"I'm going to put my clothes in your closet, Master. Is that all right?" Anakin asked as he dumped the armful on Obi-Wan's unmade bed.

"What's wrong with your closet?" the Jedi asked.

"Padme needs the entire closet for her extensive wardrobe and there just isn't enough room in my closet…" Anakin explained as he opened Obi's closet. He turned to look at his Master, his long Padawan braid hanging on his shoulder against his nightshirt. Both men were still in their nightclothes and didn't get the opportunity to shower and change yet. "I still don't know where she's going to store her hats…"

"Not in _here_ she isn't!" Obi-Wan exclaimed as he leaped off the chair in front of the computer and dashed to close his bedroom door before the Senator got any ideas. He imagined the crazy looking contraptions she wore on her head and shuddered. They were _big_ and no doubt took a lot of room… "My bedroom is _not_ a hat rack!"

Anakin paused in the process of hanging his tunics in Obi-Wan's closet. "I'm sorry, Master if this upsets you. I know you don't like politicians but Padme is different! She's not like the others."

"Yes! The others don't have huge hats!" Obi-Wan cried. "Palpatine wouldn't be caught dead with an ostrich on his head!"

"Well, I think the feathers look pretty…" Anakin commented. He knew Obi-Wan just wasn't used to having a girl around, that's all. So what if he was a tad cranky? He'd get used to it…

"Anakin, this arrangement won't work!" The serious and dour Jedi pointed out. "Sooner or later someone will _see_ her! Think of the gossip that'll spread!"

"Well, I suppose we could always fly in and out of the window." Anakin offered as he hung up the last of his clothes in the other's closet. "How about that? Master? Master?"

Anakin turned to look why Obi-Wan wasn't answering him and he only saw his retreating back. Curious, Anakin hurried after him. Within moments he found his Master waiting outside the bathroom, his foot tapping on the floor.

"_She's_ in there…" Obi-Wan pointed out.

"Oh." Replied Anakin. "Well, I suppose it could take a while then."

"Why?" Obi-Wan asked. It was clear the older man didn't know anything about females.

"Well, because…" Anakin waved a hand around in the air.

"Yes?" Obi-Wan continued to tap his foot as he stared at his Apprentice.

"Because she's a _girl_! They need lots of time to get ready…"

"It only takes me five minutes!" Obi-Wan pointed out. "So how long will it take her, ten minutes?"

"Not exactly…" Anakin nervously replied as he gazed up at the ceiling. "_Maybe_ an hour if we're lucky. Of course, without the handmaidens…"

"AN HOUR!" Obi-Wan shrieked, as his blue eyes grew round as could be. An angry frown appeared on his face and the foot tapping increased in intensity. "That's just crazy!"

"Oh, that's just to do her hair! I mean, she still needs to bathe and dress…"

"AAAhhhhhhhhh!"

To be continued…

Hope that was funny! Don't worry: more vampire stuff in upcoming chapters!


	13. ObiWan's Bad Day

I'm Sorry 13

Author's Note: Here is more of this crazy vampire story. For the longest time ever I had writer's block on this story but I have finally thought up more problems for poor Obi-Wan. I also have a good idea of where I want this story to go now, too.

000

After what seemed like forever plus a few hours more, the bathroom door finally slid open and Padme padded out in her bare feet, wearing a casual white bodysuit. As she moved past Obi-Wan, a wave of flowery perfume followed in her wake. The scent was thick like syrup and he could feel it clogging his nose and throat as if it were a physical object instead of just an over-powering smell. The older Jedi gagged, his eyes watering as he clawed at his throat helplessly with one hand. "Air! Air!"

Padme turned to look at him, concern clear in her chocolate brown eyes. "Master Kenobi, what is wrong?"

"I can't breath!" Obi-Wan blurted out, his face turning a bit bluish as he staggered back towards his bedroom weakly. He pictured the bedroom window in his mind and thought of the fresh air it could provide him. If only he could reach it! His lungs burned and he stumbled weakly, his knees feeling wobbly and incapable of holding up his weight. The door to his room was just ahead...

"Ani! Do something!" Padme cried fearfully as she turned to her young husband. "Obi-Wan is choking! Something must be lodged in his throat!"

Anakin, however, was staring dreamily at her beautiful figure and freshly washed hair, still damp from the shower. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was to have Padme for his wife and that she was actually going to live here now. It was like a dream come true! A goofy grin was pasted on his face and he hadn't heard a single word she had said.

"Anakin!" Padme gripped his shoulders and shook him roughly, causing his Padawan brain to bounce about wildly.

"What?" He asked stupidly, a blank expression on his face as his blue eyes cleared from their lovesick daze. "What is it, Padme?"

"Obi-Wan is choking! You must save him!"

"Right!" Anakin replied as her words finally sunk into his brain. He could feel his Master's distress through their training bond as well now and he dashed off after the older Jedi. Obi-Wan was just ahead of him now, stumbling into his bedroom as weird-gasping noises came from his throat. Running with the supernatural speed of a vampire, Anakin reached his Master in no time at all and wrapped his strong arms around his waist. His bottom hand formed a tight fist to apply pressure to the stomach, to force the bit of food out of his Master's throat.

"No!" Obi-Wan gasped as he struggled forward towards the window. He had almost reached it but Anakin was stopping him! He waved his hands, his arms stretched out to their fullest extent but it just wasn't close enough. Suddenly remembering the Force, Obi-Wan used his powers and the window slid open with a loud bang, the force of it causing the frame to rattle loudly. A refreshing cool breeze flowed into the room and Obi-Wan sighed in relief; a relief that was short lived as he felt something shove itself hard into his poor stomach. "Ouch! Stop that!"

Surprised that his Master could talk, Anakin let him go instantly and backed off a few steps. "You're not choking? Padme said you were."

"It's that awful perfume!" Obi-Wan fumed as he breathed in the fresh air. "Must she drench herself in the stuff?"

"I don't smell anything..." Anakin replied as he raised his nose slightly and sniffed at the air. A concerned look appeared on his face as he studied the older Jedi. "Are you sure you're feeling all right, Master? You've been under a lot of stress lately and you were supposed to rest due to that bad tooth being pulled."

"I'm perfectly fine, Anakin, I just can't stand super-strong perfume smells. You know that." Obi-Wan stood next to the window with his arms crossed over his chest, frowning. What was he going to do about Padme? It just didn't seem right for her to move in with them like that, even if she was married to Anakin. She would be a constant distraction to the training and he'd have that dumb sappy lovesick expression on his face. It would be a nightmare! He had to get rid of her somehow, but how?

Obi-Wan went over the mental list of what he knew about her. She was a vampire, the Senator from Naboo, had a bunch of handmaidens who for the moment were absent – thank the Force for that, was engaged in a secret marriage that wasn't so secret anymore, wore bizarre hats and took forever in the bathroom doing who knew what. Oh, and had a ton of clothes. As a Jedi he couldn't be outright rude to her, but surely there was a discreet way to encourage her to move elsewhere? He thought and thought but no great ideas came to mind. "Drat! Why did this have to happen to me for? As if I didn't have enough problems with one vampire!"

A frown crossed the Jedi's face as he realized what two vampires meant. Come sundown BOTH of them would be eying his poor neck with hungry red eyes and long fangs. He would have to take an extra trip to the nearest supermarket to buy more red food so his neck wouldn't end up looking like a pincushion. He needed to avoid that at all cost. No way was he going to become a bloodsucker!

Heading towards his closet, Obi-Wan realized that Anakin was still standing in his bedroom and staring at him. "Can I trust you to do your lessons if I go out, Anakin? I don't want to come back and hear reports of odd sounds coming from our quarters. You and Padme had best behave!"

"Yes, Master." Anakin replied as a slight grin spread across his lips. "We wont have any wild parties while you're gone. The last thing we want to do is disturb Master Mace. He's always grouchy after a full moon night. I think transforming into a werewolf tires him out."

"I had best stop by the hardware store as well..." Obi-Wan said as he thought of getting a nice strong deadbolt for the apartment door, just in case. A werewolf, right across the hall no less! Gee, what was the Temple sinking to these days? A good, honest Jedi could get ate alive if he wasn't careful! His gaze rested on Anakin for a few moments and he vowed he would buy several deadbolts, padlocks and anything else they had. Hmmm... Did they still make gas masks and if so, would that help with a bathroom that reeked of flowery perfume? He would have to find out and so he added the item to his mental Must Do list.

Taking a clean outfit from his closet, Obi-Wan bravely headed out of his room and towards the bathroom. To his relief, the awful smell had faded somewhat and there was no sign of Padme. Peering into the tiny room, the Jedi was relieved to see it was empty of female vampires. However a clump of strange-looking bottles, jars and assorted other containers had sprouted on his neat little shelf, his new bars of plain soap being squeezed to the very corner. The flowery scent was also stronger in here, hovering in the very air around him.

"If Anakin is the one married to her, then why do I have to put up with all of this girly stuff? I must remember never to take a female Padawan, providing I live that long."

The Jedi washed and dressed as quickly as he could, fearful the lingering girly odors would start soaking into his good sensible clothing. The last thing he needed was to have other Jedi looking at him funny. He received enough of odd glances lately due to the Anakin Balloon Incident. Entering the small living room, he quickly found Padme sitting on his sofa and studying the screen of a Padd. "I'll be back later. I trust you'll behave properly in my absence."

"Of course, Obi-Wan." She promised with a smile.

He headed for the door and exited into the hallway, almost bumping into Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. To Obi-Wan's utter dismay, the elderly man was dragging a giant bulging suitcase that was about the size of a small Hutt.

"Oh, Master Kenobi!" Palpatine said as an innocent grin appeared on his face. "The most dreadful thing happened to my apartment last night and I ...."

"No, I don't have any spare room in my quarters." Obi-Wan quickly replied, rudely cutting the Supreme Chancellor off. "Why don't you go ask Master Mace? He lives by himself so I'm sure he could take you in until you find a new apartment."

Obi-Wan helpfully pointed at Mace's door right across the hall.

Palpatine looked uncertain, frowning slightly. "Are you sure? I'm afraid I don't know him that well...."

"I'm sure he'd be delighted to help you." Obi-Wan replied as he slowly backed away, inching down the long corridor one step at a time. "And I'm very sure he'd be delighted to have you over for dinner tonight as well..."

That way I won't get ate by the werewolf, at least not tonight…

"But…" Palpatine said from where he stood uncertainly before Mace's door.

Obi-Wan dashed around the bend in the corridor and hurried down the stairs, his long brown robe trailing out behind him. He had so many things to do today it wasn't funny. Then his stomach rumbled loudly, reminding the Jedi that he had forgotten to eat breakfast. "Drat! That Senator is goofing up my entire morning routine! I should be doing my research, not running out on errands to the supermarket and the hardware store! Now I'll have to go eat breakfast at the Jedi Cafeteria and I hate eating there."

Nether less Obi-Wan found himself walking through the room's large double-doors and joining the long line for breakfast. Master Yoda was in line directly in front of him and the tiny green alien began sniffing at the air.

Yoda turned to regard him. "Smell something do you, Master Obi-Wan?"

I hope it's not that perfume Yoda smells…

"Like a thousand alien foods?" Obi-Wan asked innocently as his nerves trembled slightly. What sort of trouble would he get into for Padme living in their apartment? He was sure it was against the rules, although he didn't ever recall of such a thing happening before. No matter what, he had to keep Padme's presence a total secret. No one could know and certainly not Master Yoda!

"Sweet it is, like flowers." Yoda replied as his eyes narrowed and scanned the large, crowded room. Jedi and their Padawans sat at the crowded tables, many talking all at the same time. A group of Younglings came in through the door, their teacher in tow. Then Yoda's eyes refocused on him. "Smell it I do. On your robes is it?"

"No!" Obi-Wan blurted, face reddening. "I am _not_ wearing perfume!"

At the outburst, Yoda's eyes grew wide and the little Jedi Master stared at him in utter surprise. The cafeteria grew so silent Obi-Wan was sure he could hear the chronometer ticking away the minutes way from across the room.

"That's not what I meant!" Obi-Wan quickly added as he saw other nearby Jedi staring at him now. At a table very close to the long line Yarael Poof was craning his long neck in his direction, his beady red eyes full of curiosity. Ki-Adi-Mundi was seated right next to him and then the two bent their heads together, talking softly. _Great! Now they think I'm weird or something!_ "I only meant I bumped into Supreme Chancellor Palpatine this morning outside my quarters. He was dragging a giant suitcase. Perhaps _he_ was wearing the perfume and it rubbed off onto my robe…"

Yoda's eyes narrowed to slits, darkening. "Why have suitcase did he?

"Because he wanted to move in with Master Mace?" Obi-Wan asked innocently, secretly pleased he had now pushed the suspicion off of himself and onto Palpatine.

"Like this development I do not." Master Yoda stated as he took a few steps forward as the line moved. The little green alien sniffed the air again, his nostrils flaring. "Wish perfume I had. Smells lovely it does."

Obi-Wan was utterly shocked. _Yoda_ wanted girly perfume? Well, that could be arranged.

The line moved forward again and soon it was his turn to get breakfast. Scanning this morning's menu on the wall, he hoped they would have something ordinary. What had Master Yoda chosen? Peering over the tiny Master Jedi's head, he saw him toddling away with what appeared to be a bowl of cereal, a piece of fruit, a thick slice of home baked bread, a glass of juice and a bottle of water. All in all, Obi-Wan was very surprised! The breakfast Yoda had looked very decent indeed, a far cry from the weird slop the lunchroom normally served. Smiling, he thumbed his finger at the departing Master Yoda. "I'll have what he has."

A few moment later Obi-Wan was seated at the table across from Yoda, very pleased. He buttered his slice of bread and took a bite, chewing. As he chewed, he picked up his spoon and stabbed at the brownish-gray clumps of cereal in his bowl experimentally. It looked all right, but with the Jedi cafeteria one never knew.

"Didn't know you ate Drik Chiutatal did I. Good for you it is!" Yoda exclaimed happily as he scooped up another big spoon of the cereal. "Love it I do!"

"Is that what it is?" Obi-Wan moved it around with his spoon but all he saw was bits of grain and chopped nuts. Deciding it didn't look too bad, he stuck a spoonful of it into his mouth, chewing. A slightly odd taste exploded across his tongue on occasion, but mostly it tasted of grain and nuts. Deciding the odd taste was his imagination; the Jedi shrugged and continued eating. "I must admit I never heard of it. Is it from your homeworld, Master Yoda?"

"From Endor it is." Master Yoda informed him as the little green alien scraped the last bits of cereal from his bowl. "Ewok cereal it is. Love chewy grubs in it I do. Good protein source it is. Digests easy on old body like mine."

Obi-Wan's eyes bugged out and he started coughing, his hand flying to his mouth. Bits of cereal and milk flew out from between his lips, leaking out from between his fingers. The Jedi coughed harder, his blue eyes watering. He could feel milk running down his hand onto his wrist and arm, the thin trickle running up his sleeve all the way to his bent elbow. "Did … did you say _grubs_?"

"Tasty they are!" Yoda insisted as he stared sadly at Obi-Wan. The elderly Jedi Master then shook a thick stubby green finger at him. "Gulp down food you should not! Choke you will!"

Obi-Wan wiped his face with a napkin and then stared with disgust at his milk-soaked sleeve. Now he was going to smell like sour milk and it was Padme's fault! He patted at his wet sleeve edge with the already wet paper napkin, but it just shredded into little bits that stuck to his clothing.

He should have known that the breakfast looked too good to be true! Picking up his fallen spoon, the Jedi poked at the cereal and examined it more closely. He noted that some of the little white bits were not nuts, as he had thought but short, pale grubs. And what was that long, brownish curled _thing_? Obi-Wan carefully poked it with the tip of the spoon and was relieved when it didn't wiggle or move in any way. It was dead, whatever it was. Unfortunately, the thing looked very much like a little worm, the kind that gnawed their way into certain fruits. Stomach twisting, he dropped the spoon from a numb hand.

Getting up, Obi-Wan staged away from the table and headed for the exit. After transversing several long hallways, he crawled into his airspeeder and took off into the heavy traffic lanes. He had almost reached the nearest hardware store when he suddenly realized that locks of any type would be useless against Jedi, especially powerful Master Mace Windu. "Drat! Why did that werewolf have to live across the hall from me? Why couldn't a _normal_ person live there? But no, it had to be a man-eating _werewolf_!"

Deciding he would stop in anyway, Obi-Wan took the first exit from the traffic lane and spiraled down in a smooth curve until he reached the hardware store's parking lot on top of the wide building. Getting out of his airspeeder, he headed for the door and soon was within the cavernous structure.

"How may I help you today, Master Jedi?" A fuzzy alien asked him.

"I don't suppose you have any vampire repellant, do you?" Obi-Wan asked hopefully.

"Isle one-hundred-and-two, top shelf." The alien replied. "It's a brand new product we just got in. We had to create a new section for it, so it's way in the back corner I'm afraid."

Surprise flickered across the Jedi's face. He hadn't really expected the store to have anything on vampires at all and here he was having a bit of good fortune! A smile spread across his face and he started towards the back of the store. How had the store known that he would come by looking for stuff on vampires or that anyone would come looking for it? It seemed incredibly odd really. Passing isle after isle, Obi-Wan watched the white numbers glued to the edge of the isles until he finally reached the one he needed. Heading for the corner, the Jedi began scanning the numerous items on the shelves so he wouldn't miss it. But to his delight, there was a big sign above the area that said VAMPIRES.

Obi-Wan gawked at the sign for a moment, a touch of nervousness bubbling in the pit of his stomach. "Do we have a vampire problem on Coruscant?"

He hoped not, but if they didn't then why the large area of products? A crystal clear picture of Padme popped into his head, sharp fangs sticking out of her mouth. Who else had she bitten besides his Padawan? And what of her handmaidens? Were they bloodsuckers, too? Is that why they covered themselves in those loose-fitting robes with the deep cowls, to keep the sun off themselves? Obi-Wan still hadn't forgotten that book he had read that said vampires melted in sunlight. Anakin hadn't melted, but still…

Realizing he was wasting precious time, he started to examine the products on the shelf. There was a squeeze bottle of some special water that was marked "Vampire Repellant" and promised to give any vampire a nasty welt if the liquid was sprayed onto their bare skin. Reading the ingredients, Obi-Wan shook his head. It made no sense as the bottle claimed it was just plain spring water that had been blessed by one Edgar Frog. Why would water hurt a vampire? Then the Jedi noted the price marked on the shelf.

"One hundred credits! That's outrageous!" Obi-Wan placed the bottle back, uncertain if he should buy it or not. It was a lot of money for a small bottle of water that might not do anything at all. "Perhaps there's a better product here…"

He saw Professional Vampire Staking Kits with twenty real wooden stakes to a pack, a Holy Water Balloon Launcher, Holy Water Balloons, a lightweight Vampire Bow & Arrow kit, a Light Up Cross with Organ Music and several other items. Slowly Obi-Wan examined each item, reading the back of the packages. Very quickly he realized most of the items were intended to _kill_ vampires, not keep them from biting you. "I don't want to kill Anakin, I just don't want to get bitten again!"

But was this stuff accurate? Did you really kill a vampire by driving a sharp piece of wood through their hearts? And what was the bit with the thing called a 'cross'? The package claimed the shape itself would scare a vampire away. "That sounds totally ridiculous!"

Obi-Wan picked up a Light Up Cross with Organ Music, holding it uncertainly. The package was big and bulky – at least three feet wide. It was thin though and packed in some primitive packaging material he had read about once in the Jedi Archives. What had it been called, cardboard? "Used by famous Vampire Hunter Rookery, this Light Up Cross with Organ Music is sure to frighten away the most determined and fierce bloodsuckers."

Deciding that was what he needed, Obi-Wan started to carry the bulky package to the checkout. Pausing, he returned to the shelf and grabbed a bottle of the so-called Vampire Repellant as well. He would charge it to his Jedi Credit Card and let the Order pay for the stuff. He was just about to turn down the center isle of the store when another large sign caught his eye: WEREWOLVES.

"Werewolves! YES!" Obi-Wan dashed forward eagerly, the sharp cardboard edge of the Light Up Cross with Organ Music knocking other products to the floor. The Jedi, of course, didn't notice. Upon reaching the desired area, his happy mood evaporated. Most of the shelves were empty as if some other person had bought it all! Peering about hopefully, Obi-Wan spotted a small packet way in the back. Pulling it forward with the Force, he discovered it was a package of dried plant material. "Wolfsbane…never heard of the stuff."

Obi-Wan added it to his pile of items and then paused, pondering if he should get a few locks anyway. "I might as well. I am here after all…"

Soon Obi-Wan had a big pile of stuff and he staggered to the checkout with his pile. "Your Werewolf section was practically empty. Are you going to restock it soon?"

"Oh, that's the best-selling stuff in our entire store!" The human clerk said as she started to ring up his items. "This one guy comes in each and every week, buying the entire stock. He's our best costumer!"

Obi-Wan rubbed his bearded chin in thought. "That sounds odd. Who is he?"

"I don't know his name, but he dresses just like you." She replied as he placed the smaller items, like the padlocks, deadbolts, wolfsbane and the Vampire Repellant into a bag. "He has a bald head, dark eyes and dark skin."

"Drat that Mace!" Obi-Wan exclaimed loudly, pounding his fist onto the counter. "He doesn't want anyone to protect themselves from him so he's buying up all the products! I hope he isn't immune to this wolfsbane!"

But what was Mace _doing_ with the stuff? Was he dumping it somewhere, somewhere in the Temple perhaps? Obi-Wan decided he would have to find out. It didn't occur to him that Master Mace had been a werewolf for years and hadn't tried to bite him not even once. The thing that bugged Obi-Wan was that he now _knew_ Mace was a werewolf and that he _might_ try to eat him.

After lugging his purchases out to his airspeeder, the Jedi hopped in and placed the items on the empty passenger seat. He needed to go to the supermarket to buy more red food. Hopefully it would be enough and both vampires would be too full after eating it to bother him. Zooming in and out of the supermarket in record time, he jumped back into the airspeeder and headed back towards the Jedi Temple. Parking in his usual spot, he managed to get both the sack of groceries and the stuff from the hardware store into his arms. The Temple was quiet and peaceful as always, a far cry from the noisy bustling streets of Coruscant. Hoping that his anti-vampire items would give him some much-needed protection, Obi-Wan bounded up the staircase towards the floor he lived on. Upon reaching it a bit later, he turned the corner and heard raised voices.

"Look what you did!" Master Mace growled angrily as he pointed at the too-fat suitcase that was securely jammed in his doorway. "You blocked the doorway to my quarters! Now I can't go in and out of my room!"

"Oh, I am _so_ sorry, Master Windu! Please forgive me!" Supreme Chancellor Palpatine pleaded as he nervously wrung his dry, withered hands together. "I wasn't aware your doors were much smaller than the ones on my apartment. I assure you it fitted just fine through that doorway. Can't you just give it a push with the Force?"

"I already tried that and it still wouldn't budge one inch!" Mace frowned, hands on hips, as he glared down at the Hutt-sized suitcase. "I don't know what we can do except call maintenance…"

"Uh-oh." Obi-Wan whispered as he eyed the situation, very relieved he had directed the elderly politician at Mace. As silent as can be, Obi-Wan tried to tiptoe past the other two men with his packages. If only they wouldn't see him!

"You really do need larger doors…" Palpatine added as Obi-Wan snuck past him.

"What you need is less material items!" Mace replied firmly. "This is the Jedi Temple. We do not believe in hoarding material items, as you very well know…"

"But those are just my robes!"

Obi-Wan slipped by Mace as well and disappeared into the quarters he shared with Anakin. The door swooshed shut behind him and the Jedi sighed with relief, his blue eyes closing momentarily. He couldn't stand politicians and Palpatine was one of the worst ones in his opinion. Hopefully Mace will get rid of him and that over packed suitcase. Opening his eyes, he was dismayed to see Anakin perched on the edge of the sofa smooching with Padme.

"Anakin! Stop that at once!" Obi-Wan ordered in a firm voice. "I hope you haven't been doing that the entire time I've been gone!"

To be continued…

Drik Chiutatal is the Ewok cereal from my other story, "Cereal Wars". The assorted vampire-fighting products are from the movies "The Lost Boys" and "The Little Vampire". I'll update this story soon, but I'll probably update "Wish Upon a Droid" next. Hopefully you found this chapter funny.


	14. Lunch Time

I'm Sorry 14

"I'm sorry you caught us kissing, Master." Anakin said as he pulled his face away from Padme. "I didn't mean for that to happen at all..."

"WHAT??" Obi-Wan shouted, shocked, as he dropped his purchases onto the floor. "What do you mean you're sorry you got caught? You shouldn't be doing that at all!"

Anakin put on his most innocent expression. "I'm deeply sorry I said the wrong thing, Master. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I meant that I was sorry I was kissing Padme at all, as that's improper behavior for a Jedi Padawan."

Obi-Wan stared at Anakin with narrowed eyes, sure he wasn't sorry at all. His gaze shifted to the Senator, who suddenly found her Padd very interesting. The two had looked very happy slobbering with their mouths together in a sickening display of rule breaking.

"Even if all the other Jedi are secretly married…" Anakin muttered under his breath, a slightly sour expression clouding his face for a moment.

"What was that?" Obi-Wan asked, suspicious. "You had best not be complaining, Anakin. I am the Master and you are the Apprentice, so what I say is law. And that means none of that horrid smooching!"

Anakin rolled his blue eyes and leaned closer to Padme. "Master is just scared of girls."

"I am not scared of girls!" Obi-Wan protested as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest, an annoyed expression on his bearded face. "Girls do not frighten me in the least. I just prefer to follow the Jedi Code as a proper Jedi. Besides, it looks … I meant …"

Obi-Wan felt heat rising into his face and hated the fact that he was powerless to stop it.

Anakin watched his Master's face take on a reddish tone. "I'm sorry if the kissing embarrassed you, Master."

"You're not supposed to be doing that at all!" Obi-Wan insisted as he pointed with a finger towards the short hallway that led to the bedrooms. His arm shook slightly and he hated the fact that the situation was getting out of control. His Padawan, married and smooching with a girl! That was almost worst than Anakin being a vampire! "Now go work on your lessons!"

"Yes, Master. And I'm sorry you're scared of girls and that the Jedi Code goofed up your brain in that regard." Anakin rose smoothly from the sofa and headed towards his bedroom that was now crammed with Padme's belongings.

"There's nothing wrong with my brain!" Obi-Wan cried after his retreating student. "It's your brain that's warped!"

Padme wisely remained silent, her nose stuck to the screen of the Padd. She didn't raise her eyes even when Obi-Wan bent to pick up his packages.

Anakin entered his bedroom; his bed covered with her numerous hatboxes. Luckily, he computer desk and chair was still usable and so he sent down to work once more. He had finished most of his lesson before Obi-Wan had come home so he only had a short bit left to do. No matter Obi-Wan's age, he was still like an awkward teen when it came to women and he was having a very hard time accepting the shocking news from the Jedi Council. Anakin was also beginning to realize that it was going to affect his love life with Padme, as his Master would be peering down his back every second and squawking loudly about any inappropriate behavior.

"Koochoo!" Anakin fumed as he waited for his lesson to load on his computer again. "Master will never understand unless he gets his own girlfriend, but he won't ever do that because he's scared of girls!"

000

Obi-Wan put away his personal purchases and then headed to the kitchen to make lunch, the sack of groceries cradled in the crook of his arm. A little grin spread across his face as he pulled out a few items from his sack. He studied the super-cheap box of macaroni & cheese, one that he had found way on the bottom of the grocery shelf. It was a brand he had never heard of and was sure to taste totally hideous. There wasn't a drop of real cheese anywhere in it, as it was one hundred percent artificial flavorings. Even the noodles on the box's front were a bizarre shade of yellow that belonged on a Jedi Starfighter, not on pasta.

Whistling a merry tune he had heard somewhere, he set a pot of water on the stove to boil. If anything would chase the Senator from their apartment, it would be the horrible food he would serve. The Code said he had to be polite to her, but it didn't specify he couldn't serve her terrible food on purpose. Normally Obi-Wan believed in eating healthy food, but this emergency situation called for special tactics. Of course, he would have to eat the stuff himself, but he would make sacrifices for the good of the Order. Anakin couldn't learn properly with her here as a constant distraction so he was only doing what was required.

The water was bubbling and boiling in the pot. Happily he tore the box open and pulled out the little packet of the fake cheese mix. Putting the mix aside, he poured the pasta into the water. He forgot to add salt on purpose. The fake cheese mix had more than enough in it anyway. As the pasta cooked, he eagerly searched his grocery sack for more lousy lunch ideas. He pulled forth a questionable large tin of canned fruit in heavy syrup to replace the fresh fruit he normally served and a small tin of some type of fish. The Jedi wasn't too sure what type of fish it was really – he had just took whatever was lowest in price.

Obi-Wan slobbered until he had lunch ready and then carefully schooled his emotions. He didn't want his plan to be too evident. "Anakin, Senator Amidala, lunch is ready!"

Anakin and Padme both came into the little kitchen and sat down at the table. A moment later a plate of lunch was put before each of them. Happily the Jedi took his own seat across from them with his own plate and made sure to act totally normal. He picked up his fork, stabbed a few banana-yellow noodles and blew on them slightly.

"Thank you, Master Jedi, for this … meal." Padme said tentatively as she stared down at her plate. The pasta was the oddest bright yellow imaginable and there were strange brown bits between it. She cautiously poked it with her fork and was relieved when it didn't move. A strong fishy odor wafted from the plate so she presumed that some type of fish had been used to make the dish. Truthfully, in all of her years as a Queen and Senator she had never seen anything like it before.

Obi-Wan smiled innocently and boldly stuck his slightly cooled noodles into his mouth and chewed. It was horribly salty, both from the canned fish and from the fake cheese mix. The sauce was thick and gummy, causing the pasta to stick together in horrible lumps. Perhaps for supper he should get carryout from the Jedi Cafeteria, except even _he_ didn't want to eat that stuff.

Ever fussy, Anakin poked the stuff around his plate. "Is this fish supposed to have green spots on it, Master?"

"Just scrape it off then…" Obi-Wan advised from between mouthfuls of the horrid pasta. The Jedi didn't seem to notice that the kitchen was growing steadily darker as a storm moved in over the Jedi Temple. The light faded more and more until he finally turned in his seat to glance at the window. The sky was slate gray with angry clouds and growing darker. "Besides, you're a vampire. It won't bother you I'm sure…"

"And isn't this cheese sauce too yellow?" Anakin asked as he poked it more, shoving the bit of green he found way to the edge of his plate. Anyway, he thought he shoved the green off his plate. It was hard to tell due to the dark gloom that had settled over the kitchen. "What kind of cheese did you use to make this stuff?"

Obi-Wan shrugged and waved his hand at their plates. He waved his finger and the overhead lights flickered on. "Eat before it gets cold. It tastes better than it looks."

A loud rumble of thunder rolled across the sky and a brilliant flash of lightning lit up the kitchen window.

"There's something else I'd rather eat truthfully, Master…" Anakin said as he stared across the dinner table at Obi-Wan's neck.

"Anakin, NO!" Obi-Wan leaped upward in a panic as he saw that familiar hungry gaze in his Padawan's eyes, his reddish glowing eyes. "It's … it's too early for you to get this feeding frenzy! It's just past noon!"

"But it's dark as night, Master…" Anakin said as he rose smoothly and quickly moved around the table towards the older Jedi. He opened his mouth to reveal the sharp pointed fangs within. "And I'm hungry now. I didn't have any breakfast you know…"

"Uh oh. Not good." Obi-Wan muttered wide-eyed as he backed away. It was clear his awful food plan had backfired in a major way! Turning, he fled for the relative safety of his bedroom. "Aahhhhhhhhh!"

Obi-Wan raced through the tiny common room and straight for his bedroom, Anakin hot on his heels. Reaching the bedroom before his bloodthirsty apprentice could grab him, he slid to a halt and hit the door lock with the side of his hand. Still, he didn't believe that would stop Anakin for long. Hurrying to the packages he had left on his bed, he frantically tore at the plastic bag that covered the Light Up Cross with Organ Music. The bag, however, refused to come off and he ended up tearing it in half due to his fright. Fumbling with the strange cardboard packaging, he just managed to pull it free when he heard the door swoosh open.

Red eyed, Anakin stood in the doorway staring at him hungrily.

Boldly gripping the large and clumsy contraption, Obi-Wan almost stumbled over the long electric cord that came tumbling out of the container. Realizing at once he needed to plug it into a power source, he did so using the Force. The Jedi shook the plastic device, but to his utter dismay, it didn't do anything! It was supposed to light up and dispel evil creatures!

Heart thumping madly, Obi-Wan realized he had forgot to flick the ON switch and he did so. Automatically the large plastic shape lit up brightly, the entire thing glowing pure white. Feeling somewhat safer, he shoved it closer to Anakin as low organ music filled the air.

Anakin blinked at the strange object in Obi-Wan's hand. "What is that thing?"

"It's supposed to scare you away!" Obi-Wan blurted out as he shoved the glowing shape closer to his apprentice.

"Why?" Anakin asked, a confused look on his face.

"Because the package said so, that's why!" Loud discordant organ notes continued to wail out, as if the pianist struck random keys with all of his fingers at once.

"I think it looks pretty cool!" Anakin replied after a few moments of studying it. "It would make a great wall decoration for my room, whatever it is … except it makes that horrid racket!"

Obi-Wan frowned, not liking what he was hearing at all. Cautiously he lowered the Light Up Cross with Organ Music so he could see Anakin better. "Do you still want to bite me?"

"Of course I do! I'm hungry!" Anakin wailed as he licked his lips, eying his Master's poor neck.

"Nooooooo! This thing doesn't work at!" Obi-Wan cried, frustrated, as Anakin inched closer and closer….

To Be Continued….

Hopefully this chapter was funnier than the last one. Chapter 13 was more for setting up funny stuff for future chapters.

Oh, and I started a new Ani & Obi vampire story, "Secret of the Sith". Go check it out!


	15. Trapped!

Im Sorry 15

"Nooooooo! This thing doesn't work at!" Obi-Wan cried, frustrated, as Anakin inched closer and closer…. The Jedi thought frantically on how he could stop his hungry Padawan without hurting him. Perhaps he could stall Anakin somehow? Then an idea sprung into his head, an idea that involved the Light Up Cross with Organ Music. The thing was starting to get uncomfortably hot in his hands anyway.

"Here!" Obi-Wan said as he shoved the glowing plastic cross into Anakin's chest. "Go put it in your room if you want it for a wall decoration...."

Startled by having the object suddenly thrust at his chest, Anakin clutched at it. "But Master, it makes that horrid sound..."

"Why don't you fix it then so it doesn't? I'm sure you could do it easily. I mean, if you can build droids..." Obi-Wan suggested as he nervously backed away from his student. He could see by the red tint to Anakin's eyes that he was still hungry and the change in tactics wouldn't keep him at bay for long. "I'll ... I'll get you some blood ... just don't bite me!"

Anakin blinked at Obi-Wan in surprise as he held the glowing plastic device in his hands. "You'll get me some blood? Really, Master? I thought you didn't approve of my unusual appetite..."

Obi-Wan backed up until he reached the comlink on the wall. Without taking his eyes off his apprentice, he punched in the long number for the Jedi Temple's Infirmary. "Hello? I need some assistance..."

"Hello. Thank you for calling the Jedi Temple's Medical Facility, located in beautiful downtown Coruscant. We are on floor thirty of the Jedi Temple. If you have a medical emergency, please press one now. If you are calling to check on the condition of a Jedi currently in our care, please press two. If you are calling..."

Obi-Wan tapped his boot impatiently on the rug in his room, both blue eyes firmly glued to Anakin. "Blast! When did they install an automatic menu thing? I hate these things!"

Still hungry, Anakin studied Obi-Wan's neck from a distance and licked his lips. Throwing the still glowing cross onto the older Jedi's bed, he slowly inched closer.

"...If none of these choices suit your needs, please press zero to talk to a live Jedi who will try to assist you."

"Finally!" Obi-Wan exclaimed in relief and quickly stabbed the zero with his finger. A few moments later a voice came onto the line.

"Yes? This is the Jedi Medical Facility. How may I assist you?"

"This is Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi. I need a bottle of human blood." Obi-Wan said into the wall comlink. In order to talk into it properly, he had to turn to face the wall, which made it very hard to watch Anakin properly. The wall comlink was voice only so he couldn't see who he was talking to.

"A bottle of blood?" The voice asked, surprised.

"Yes. Does it come by the gallon?" Obi-Wan asked, hoping that it did.

"Master Kenobi, do you have a medical emergency?"

"Well, no...." Obi-Wan admitted as he turned his head to see that Anakin had snuck closer to him. "Look, just send me a gallon. No, make that TWO gallons, OK?"

"Master Kenobi, I cannot just send you blood! That would be improper procedure!" The voice huffed, annoyed.

"Look, if you don't send me any then I WILL have a medical emergency!" Obi-Wan cried into the wall comlink as he held his arm outstretched in order to keep Anakin away from his neck. "Things are getting out of hand here...."

Anakin pressed closer, trying to get past Obi-Wan's arm but he was being held an arm's length away from his goal. "Please, Master, just a little taste...."

"Anakin, NO! You cannot bite my neck! I'm getting you your blood, so just be patient a few more minutes!" Obi-Wan pleaded as he pressed his palm flat against Anakin's chest, hoping that his poor arm would be strong enough to hold the younger man at bay. Turning back to the wall comlink, he spoke into it quickly. "Look, just send me two gallons, will you? I really, really, really need it!"

"Master Kenobi, this line is only for REAL medical situations. It is no place for you to practice your theatrics - pretending someone is trying to bite your neck! It is the silliest and unJedi thing I have ever heard! This line is not for practical jokes. Good day!"

CLICK!

"Noooooooo!" Obi-Wan wailed as the other person hung up on him. He couldn't believe it! His own Order had turned their backs on him in his most desperate hour! Then a new glimmer of hope appeared as he suddenly remembered an annoying ad that kept popping up on his computer from time to time. "The Coruscant Blood Bank! I'll call them!"

Eagerly he punched the number into the wall comlink while struggling to keep Anakin away from his neck. It wasn't easy, as Anakin was very determined this time. "Hello? Hello? Please tell me you don't have one of those annoying menus!"

"Hello, Coruscant Blood Bank and no, we don't have a menu." A female voice said to him. "Restaurants have menus, Sir..."

"Oh, thank the Force! A live person!" Obi-Wan said with relief.

"Well, of course I'm alive! You can't expect a dead person to answer comlink calls, can you?"

"I'd like to order two gallons of human blood, please." Obi-Wan stated clearly and calmly, even though he was anything but calm at the moment. In fact, he was very, very worried as Anakin was busy shoving his tunic sleeves up to his elbow. It was giving him that bad feeling in his gut, the one he always got just before things turned from bad to worst. His heart thudding fast, he twisted his neck to see what Anakin was doing.

"No, you can't donate two gallons of blood at once, Sir. We can only accept a certain amount per visit."

"No, you misunderstand," Obi-Wan frowned as he quickly turned back to the com. "I don't want to donate, I want to buy."

"We can only pay you thirty standard credits per donation. You also get a free cookie, either a Nutty Neimoidian or a Jelly Jawa."

"Look, this is a life or death situation!" Obi-Wan said, annoyed.

"Yes, you'll be saving many lives by donating your blood today. Shall I set up an appointment for you?"

"NO, I don't want an appointment!" Obi-Wan felt something wet on his wrist and yanked his eyes off the comlink. To his dismay, he saw Anakin was bent over his wrist with his mouth pressed to his tender skin. Worst, it was the inner wrist where the veins were. Frightened, Obi-Wan yanked his wrist away as quick as he could.

"Is tomorrow better? I see here that our Caller ID says your name is Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi. We don't get many Jedi donating blood here and I'm sure we can work around your busy schedule...."

Anakin followed the wrist and banged the top of his head into Obi-Wan's stomach.

"Ooffhhh!" Obi-Wan uttered as the air was knocked out of him somewhat and his back collided into the solid wall.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that...."

Then Obi-Wan felt something sharp sink into his wrist.

"Ooowwwww!" The Jedi howled loudly, even though the pain wasn't really that bad. He certainly had felt worst during his days as a Jedi. Count Dooku's lightsaber came to mind.

"Now? That's great, Sir! I'll set your appointment right now. Tomorrow at 2 PM. Thank you and have a great day!"

CLICK!

"Stop sucking on my wrist, Anakin!" Obi-Wan twisted and grabbed his Padawan's braid. Once he had a firm grip, he pulled on it as hard as he could, convinced the pain would stop the other from drinking his blood. "My wrist is not a cherry-flavored sucker and it's not a can of cold caf, either, so let go!"

The pain from his hair being yanked from his scalp finally forced Anakin to pull away from the delicious wrist. He straightened up and boldly stared Obi-Wan in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Master. I was just having a little snack. That's not even a proper bite you know..."

Obi-Wan frowned, cradling his injured wrist in his other hand. There were two tiny puncture wounds on his wrist, darkish red in color. Just seeing them there caused a wild panic he had never felt before flow into his body. Yes, Anakin had bitten him before but he hadn't been able to see those wounds properly before. These he could see all too easily. As he stared at the little round perfect holes, red blood started to ooze out of them slowly.

He raised his eyes from the injury to Anakin. His Padawan was licking his lips hungrily...

"Do I smell fresh blood in here?" Padme asked as she suddenly appeared in the doorway to Obi-Wan's bedroom.

Obi-Wan's gaze immediately flickered to her. "Not good, not good at all...."

"I just had a little snack." Anakin explained to his wife as he turned to face her, still licking his lips. "Master is being very fussy. I don't think he likes that I bit him."

"Fussy? It hurts!" Obi-Wan complained loudly.

PLINK.

PLINK. PLINK.

"Ooohh, he's dripping!" Padme exclaimed as her now red eyes locked onto the dripping wrist. "Can I have some?"

"NO!" Obi-Wan exclaimed as he slapped his good hand over the wound on his wrist, hoping his grip would prevent any more tempting drops from hitting the floor. Besides, he had a rug in his room! How could she hear it dripping on a rug? What kind of freakish hearing did she have anyway? Then he glanced down and realized the blood was landing on a bit of the torn plastic bag that must have landed there earlier.

Padme's eyes took on a begging, puppy-dog expression. "Please?"

"No! Once you get a taste you'll always be after me, like he is!"

"You act like that's a bad thing…" Padme replied, looking slightly hurt. "Master Obi-Wan, I would never hurt you. Let me heal it for you. Just a few little licks…"

"Well, I certainly never minded it when you bit me, Padme." Anakin smiled at her happily. "See? I told you he's scared of girls."

"Then go bite her!" Obi-Wan said from where he was still stuck in the far end of his room, sulking.

"But I want to bite you, Master." Anakin replied honestly. "I don't think vampires bite other vampires…."

"Great, just great! And I suppose the two of you are still hungry as well!"

The two vampires nodded.

Obi-Wan thought and thought for an escape plan, but nothing was coming to mind. It was clear he had to feed them, but feed them what? What did Anakin like to eat? Then the answer occurred to him. "Look, I'll call Coruscant Pizza and have them deliver!"

A surprised expression appeared on Anakin's face. "But Master, you never call them. I always have to sneak down there and buy a slice when I'm out…"

"I'll call them!" Obi-Wan promised as he stared at the two vampires hopefully.

"Well, it's not blood…" Anakin added, his face written with uncertainty. "Padme, what should we do? Should we eat the pizza or should we eat my Master?"

"Hmmmm…" Padme said as she twirled a ringlet of hair around a finger. "He does smell tasty, but we should probably eat the pizza…"

"Or the pizza delivery man." Anakin suggested with a toothy smile.

"ANAKIN!" Obi-Wan cried, horrified. "You will NOT eat any sort of delivery person! What are you trying to do, go to the Dark Side?"

"I'm sorry, Master." Anakin said as he suddenly looked very innocent. "I was just joking, Master. I wouldn't eat anyone, honest. Well, except…"

Obi-Wan gulped nervously. He had best call Coruscant Pizza and call them right away! Taking the chance, he turned his face to the comlink again and punched in the number. Somehow he had just remembered it at the right time thanks to all the ads they plastered on his computer.

"Coruscant Pizza. May I take your order?"

"Hello? I'd like to place an order…" Obi-Wan said once he heard the voice. "One large pizza with tomato, extra cheese, mushrooms, onions and sausage."

"OK. Anything else?"

"Yes, two large … err … blood pizzas." Obi-Wan blurted out, feeling very foolish, as he knew there was no such thing on their menu.

"Uhhh, could you repeat that? Two large…?"

"Blood! I said BLOOD PIZZAS!" Obi-Wan shouted, truly annoyed now. What was it with these people? First the Jedi Medical Facility had hung up on him and then the Coruscant Blood Bank had thought he wanted to donate! "Look, don't play innocent with me. You know very well what blood is! Go and find some and pour it on a pizza! And make sure it's HUMAN blood, none of that bizarre green or blue stuff from a tentacled blob alien! And don't forget the sausage, cheese and tomatoes! Oh, and those little round spicy meat things!"

"Pepperoni?" The voice asked uncertainly.

"Yes, those!"

"So… that's one large pizza with tomato, extra cheese, mushrooms, onions and sausage. And two large pizzas with sausage, cheese, tomatoes, pepperoni and err, blood. Is that right?"

"Yes. And three orders of breadsticks and a two liter of Yoda Cola."

"Master, why does Master Yoda have a soda named after him? I always wanted to know that…."

"Not now Anakin! I'm on the comlink!" Obi-Wan waved a hand at him, forgetting it was the one that was dripping. Several plump red drops flew through the air and struck the young Padawan on his face. Immediately he licked them up. "Make sure the Yoda Cola is cold. Oh, and straws! TWO straws please!"

"OK." The voice paused. "Where am I supposed to get blood?"

"That's your problem!" Obi-Wan smartly said. "Your menu clearly states that you will put ANYTHING the costumer wants onto the pizza!"

"Ahhhh, I don't think my boss meant blood though….I mean, isn't that illegal or something?"

"No, of course not!" Obi-Wan tried to smooth the now jittery order-taker. "Didn't you ever see all those ads for the Coruscant Blood Bank?"

"Yeah…" The voice was silent for a moment. "OK, where do you want this stuff delivered?"

"The Jedi Temple, to Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"OK. It'll be there in thirty minutes."

To be continued…

So, will Obi-Wan survive until the 30 minutes are up? And I thought up more funny stuff for this story!


	16. A Secret Weapon!

Im Sorry 16

Obi-Wan turned the comlink off and then glared at Anakin. His wrist was aching now and he was in a foul mood. "Couldn't you just have waited instead of biting me? Really, Anakin, it's why you're still a Padawan instead of a Knight! Your skills with the Force are extraordinary but your emotional control and patience are sorely lacking!"

Anakin hung his head and tried to look properly chastised. "I'm sorry I bit you, Master. I admit I lost control of myself and that I shouldn't have done that."

"We're going to have to do something about this bad habit of yours..." Obi-Wan threatened as he stood against the wall, arms crossed against his chest. He was unconsciously tucking his wrists away where they would hopefully be safe. "I cannot allow you to get away with such disrespect for me. I am your Master, Anakin, not the other way around - although I'm sure you would like that."

"Not the dentist again!" Anakin pleaded as he suddenly remembered Obi-Wan's previous threat. He hated the dentist! Just the idea of the guy probing in his mouth with the metal picks was enough to give him nightmares. It didn't matter that he had perfect teeth or that the dentist had never really done anything nasty, it was just the thought that he could. Besides, the metal picks scraping on his teeth annoyed him as well as the ham-fisted hand the size of a small Hutt trying to shove itself into his mouth…OK, maybe it wasn't that big exactly but it sure felt that way. A nervous tremor started in his gut and an icy chill swept down his spine as the red faded from his eyes. "I'll do anything, Master, anything! I'll build you another astromech droid, improve your Jedi Starfighter, I'll clean the entire apartment!"

"The Temple is already drowning in droids you've built…" Obi-Wan stated dryly as he moved over to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer. Thunder rolled across the sky and a bright flash of lightning lit the bedroom window with extreme brightness. Reaching in, he pulled something out. "I had hoped I wouldn't have to use this, Anakin, but you leave me little choice."

Anakin focused his gaze on the strange object dangling from Obi-Wan's hand. At first it made no sense, as it just appeared to be a lot of crisscrossing pieces but then his brain identified it. His blue eyes widened in surprise and he took an uncertain step backward. "No, Master, not that! I don't want to wear a muzzle!"

"It's what you do to animals that bite." Obi-Wan held the muzzle and stepped closer to Anakin. "You've left me little choice. This is the third time you bitten me and I've made it perfectly clear that I don't want to be a vampire…."

The third time…! Obi-Wan suddenly remembered the comlink call he had had with that vampire. Hadn't the vampire told him that after the third bite he'd be a vampire as well? A cold dread settled like a lump of iron in his stomach and he froze in place for a moment. It couldn't be, he just couldn't be a vampire! Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed as he glared at his student. "Now you've done it! You've turned me into an undead, blood-sucking vampire!"

Seeing the angry glare in his Master's blue eyes, Anakin turned and raced towards the exit of the bedroom. Padme was still standing there, her brown eyes wide in surprise and her mouth hanging open partly. Gripping her by the shoulders, Anakin spun her around quickly and shoved her towards Obi-Wan, who was hot on his heels with the muzzle.

"Ooohhh!" Padme cried as she felt herself falling backward as she saw her husband race out of the room.

"Anakin! Come back here!" Obi-Wan called angrily as he easily caught her and shoved her back upward with his hands. Unfortunately, he shoved her too hard and she fell forward into the open doorway, landing on her stomach with a loud plop. The Jedi jumped over her and raced out of the room after his unruly apprentice.

Picking herself up off the floor, Padme ran after Obi-Wan. "Wait, Master Obi-Wan! You're not a vampire!"

Obi-Wan, however, didn't hear her as he was too busy chasing Anakin. He had the muzzle ready is his hands and all he needed to do was to shove it onto his face.

"Aahhhhhhhh!" Anakin cried as he raced into the small common room of their apartment and leaped onto the sofa, jumping easily over the furniture's tall back to land on the floor. Turning, he saw his angry Master racing right at him with the hateful muzzle. He had never seen his Master so angry before and he certainly didn't want to wear the muzzle! He'd look like a real koochoo wearing that thing! Thinking quickly, Anakin darted towards the small kitchen.

Obi-Wan easily leaped onto the sofa, his foot landed on the back's top edge. He felt the piece of furniture starting to tilt downward and he quickly jumped off before it fell over. He sped after Anakin into the kitchen where they raced around and around the kitchen table several times. "Anakin, I order you to stop this foolishness!"

"No! I don't want to wear a muzzle!" Anakin cried as he raced out of the kitchen right past Padme.

"Ani!" She called as she tried to grab his arm as he ran past her. "Obi-Wan is right! You have to learn control!"

Spotting the front door, Anakin made it slide open with the Force and dashed out at full speed. Almost immediately he collided into someone who had been standing just outside the apartment door, facing the other way.

"Oooff!" Supreme Chancellor Palpatine groaned as something suddenly struck him hard from behind and knocked him flat onto his face on the hallway floor, the thing landing on his back.

"Anakin!" The loud call of Obi-Wan preceded him into the hallway where he skidded to a halt, his blue eyes widening at the unexpected scene. The Hutt-sized suitcase was still jammed in Mace's doorway, the maintenance team nowhere in sight. Anakin lay on top of Palpatine's back where the two had fallen. But the thing that caught Obi-Wan's gaze was the horrible, hideous red-eyed thing. It was glaring at him now, its hands on its hips. It was wearing Mace's Jedi outfit, but it had a black fury face and a long snout full of sharp, flesh-tearing teeth.

"The werewolf!" Obi-Wan cried in horror as he realized he had come face to face with the dangerous creature. The darkness caused by the thunderstorm must have changed him as well.

"What's all this noise and running around about?" Mace demanded to know. "Kenobi, why are you and that Padawan of yours always…"

Mace never got a chance to finish as Obi-Wan leaped forward and shoved the muzzle onto the werewolf's face, quickly locking in it place with the Force. Spinning quickly on his heel, he sped back towards his apartment and snatched Anakin by the back of his leather tunic, dragging him towards the safety of their quarters. "Hurry, Anakin, before it gets us!"

"What the…!?" Mace howled as he tried to pull the muzzle off his face.

Obi-Wan dashed through the doorway of his apartment and hauled Anakin in after him, the door sliding shut and locking. The next moment there was the loud pounding of a fist on the door.

"Kenobi!"

To Be Continued…


	17. The Werewolf!

Im Sorry 17

"Master Kenobi, you open this door NOW!" Master Mace yelled from the other side of the door, his fist pounding loudly on the metal.

Obi-Wan dropped the back of Anakin's tunic and stared wide-eyed at the shaking door. Yes, it was actually shaking in its frame. Werewolves were a lot stronger than he had thought, which clearly was bad news.

"Master, you're going to get into trouble..." Anakin remarked as he picked himself up off the floor. "Master Windu sounds very grouchy."

"Quick! Hide the girl!" Obi-Wan shouted in a wild panic as he raced towards Padme.

"But why…?" Padme said as she started to back up uncertainly from the wild-eyed Jedi. She had never seen Obi-Wan act so … so undisciplined, as he was always calm and in control of his emotions. It was clear that Anakin's behavior had pushed him over the edge. She squeaked loudly as he gripped her by the shoulders, spun her around and started to shove her rapidly back towards his bedroom. "It's only Master Windu. Surely he means me no harm…"

"We're not supposed to have a girl staying in our quarters!" Obi-Wan replied quickly as he glanced over his shoulder fearfully at the door where Mace's loud voice still rang out. "If he spots you here, I'll be in even more trouble!"

"But Ani and I…" Padme started to say but was quickly cut off.

"No excuses!" Obi-Wan shoved her into his closet between the various pieces of clothing. "Now stay here and be silent."

"Yes, Master Jedi." Padme replied sweetly. "The last thing I want to do is to get you into more trouble. And I'm sorry that Ani keeps biting you. I'll be sure to have a meaningful talk with him later."

"Good. You do that." Obi-Wan swiftly closed the closet door and strolled past his Padawan. Anakin was standing there staring at him, mixed feelings coming through their training bond. "Not a word from you, Anakin. It's bad enough that she has to hide in my closet because your closet is filled with her clothes. Now let us go see to Master Windu."

"Yes, Master." Anakin fell into step behind Obi-Wan and dutifully followed him to the apartment's front door. He watched as his Master palmed it open, a perfectly calm expression on his face.

"Yes, may I help you?" Obi-Wan asked innocently.

The werewolf stood glaring before their door, it's long ugly snout having a curled lip to expose sharp meat-tearing teeth. The hated muzzle was still locked securely onto its face. "Master Kenobi, why did you stick this … this thing onto my face?"

Obi-Wan blinked his blue eyes innocently as his mind raced for an excuse. "Do I know you?"

"I'm Master Windu, as you very well know!" Mace replied, his tone of voice slightly louder than necessary. His fur-covered hands were still on his hips, sharp claws on each finger.

"Oh, I didn't recognize you, Master Windu." Obi-Wan replied as he made a show of moving his eyes from Mace's head to his furry feet and back to his head. "I'm not accustomed to seeing you with hair – or is that fur? I mean, I've known you've been using those hair tonics all these years but…"

"That still doesn't explain this thing you jammed onto my face!"

"Oh, the muzzle?" Obi-Wan made certain to keep his expression perfectly normal, which wasn't exactly easy. The werewolf was standing way too close for comfort. It had those beady red eyes that looked very evil, more evil than any Sith he had faced in the past. "I was trying to put it on my Padawan actually and he ran out into the hall and fell over the Supreme Chancellor and than I tripped over them so it accidentally ended up on you…"

"That isn't how I remember it…" Mace commented as he narrowed his red glowing eyes, leaning closer to Obi-Wan. "I seem to recall a certain Jedi shouting 'the werewolf!' and dashing forward to stick this thing on my face."

"Well, I certainly wouldn't do that." Obi-Wan stated as he leaned backward slightly to keep out of reach of the awful teeth. "It must have been someone else."

Mace straightened up and scratched his furry chin through the muzzle, thinking. Then he focused his gaze onto the Jedi again. "If I wouldn't know better, I'd say you're scared of werewolves."

"Scared of w..ww..werewolves, me?" Beads of sweat broke out onto Obi-Wan's forehead.

"Yes, you!" Mace glared. Then he shifted his eyes from Obi-Wan onto Anakin, who was standing next to his master. "And what's your problem? Why was your Master trying to stick this muzzle on you?"

"Because I bit him?" Anakin replied honestly.

"Just because you're a vampire doesn't mean you can go around biting people! I don't get to bite anyone. A Jedi needs control and you need to learn it, son. You're far too reckless and your recklessness affects other people. Now I got this thing stuck on my head and it won't come off!"

"Thank the Force!" Obi-Wan cried happily, relieved.

"What was that?" Master Windu turned to look at him suspiciously. "I hope you just didn't say what I thought I heard…"

"I said 'use the Force'." Obi-Wan swiftly corrected, hoping Mace would fall for it.

"The both of you need to spend more time with non-humans." Mace commented and then pointed a sharp claw at Obi-Wan. "Especially you! You're getting prejudice against other species. And there's nothing wrong with either werewolves or vampires."

"But he keeps biting me!" The Jedi protested loudly.

"That's because you let him get away with too much stuff." Mace commented as he turned to stare at the fat Hutt-sized suitcase stuck in his doorway. "Now the two of you help me free that monstrosity so I can get into my quarters. I have a nice fat roast sitting in my refrigerator that I'd like to gnaw on…"

Anakin walked up to the suitcase. "Do you want it in your room or in the hallway?"

"The hallway, please." Palpatine replied as he eyed the werewolf.

"You got something against werewolves, too?" Mace asked the Supreme Chancellor.

"No, of course not." Palpatine replied. "I just don't appreciate you calling my suitcase a 'monstrosity'. Besides, I need all of my things, Master Windu."

"No one needs that much stuff!" Windu replied as he rolled his red glowing eyes.

"Tell that to the Senator." Obi-Wan remarked quietly.

"Hmmm?" Mace glanced at Obi-Wan. "Which Senator?"

"The one from Naboo that we had to guard. I'd swear she had about fives times that amount of stuff. And those odd hats!"

Mace turned to Palpatine. "Aren't you from Naboo, too?"

"Yes, of course. What of it?" Palpatine said as a confused expression appeared on his elderly face.

"You people have a problem hoarding stuff obviously." Mace commented as he eyed the bulging suitcase with distaste. "If you simplified your life you'd be far happier. All that clutter breeds unhappiness."

"I think it is clear you do not understand the life of a common person. It is completely normal for them to have material possessions." Palpatine said with a smile.

"Nether less, this is the Jedi Temple. Don't you have anywhere else to stay?" Mace asked, clearly not exactly happy with the situation.

"Doesn't the Temple have any empty rooms?" Palpatine waved his hands about in the air. "Surely with this massive building you must have one unoccupied room?"

"Well," Mace rubbed his furry chin again as he stared across the hall. "The rooms on either side of Master Kenobi have been empty for ages…"

"Oh?" Palpatine turned to look at Obi-Wan and Anakin. "Why is that?"

"Because the two make horrible racket in the middle of the night!" Mace exclaimed loudly. "Why else do you think I have these dark circles under my eyes?"

"Surely you are mistaken, Master Windu. I think I know both of them very well and I cannot believe that they would do such a thing." Palpatine said smoothly in his politician voice. "Besides, I only need a room temporarily until I can find a new apartment. It shouldn't take more than a week or two…"

"Just don't blame me about all the odd sounds…"

Anakin glared at Mace, but then concentrated on yanking the suitcase free. With Anakin's incredible Force powers, the suitcase popped free almost instantly and then settled smoothly onto the floor. Palpatine chose the room to the right of Obi-Wan's apartment and Anakin shoved the Hutt-sized suitcase through the doorway with the Force.

"Thank you, Anakin." Palpatine said politely as he placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You have been a great deal of help. I'm sure we shall be seeing a lot of each other in the future."

Obi-Wan frowned as the Supreme Chancellor disappeared into his new quarters. He didn't like the sound of that. "I don't trust that man."

"Neither do I." Mace agreed as he tried to pull the muzzle off of his face. It seemed to be squeezing the sides of his head tightly and he was beginning to get a headache. "Looks like I might have to go down to the medical section…"

"I'm sure I could cut it off with my lightsaber…" Anakin offered as his hand slid to the weapon hanging at his waist.

"No!" Obi-Wan shouted wide-eyed.

"What do you think I'm going to do, bite you?" Mace asked the other Jedi as he continued to tug unsuccessfully on the metal device.

"Well…" Obi-Wan looked uncertainly at Master Windu. "You are a werewolf…"

"Don't tell me you've been watching those awful horror holovids!" Mace rolled his eyes as he reached behind his head to try and unreleased the various catches that held the muzzle on, but they seemed to be stuck. "Jedi aren't supposed to watch that junk."

"Well, I happen to like watching them." Obi-Wan stood in the hallway with his arms crossed over his chest. "You … you wouldn't happen to know any on vampires, would you? So far I've only seen werewolf ones…"

"No! It'll only make you more paranoid than you already are. The next thing you'll have your poor apprentice sleeping in a wooden coffin with a layer of soil at the bottom…" Mace complained as he gripped the thin strips of metal at the back of the muzzle, got a secure hold and then starting pulling. His arm muscles strained.

"Oh, are they supposed to do that?" Obi-Wan asked as he watched Mace, a worried expression forming on his face. He could see the muzzle starting to bend and then it snapped apart, the pieces flying about the hallway. "It's free! Run for your lives!"

Obi-Wan ran back into his quarters and locked the door behind himself.

Mace jabbed a sharp claw into Anakin's leather tabard. "This is your fault! If you wouldn't be biting him, he wouldn't be scared of me!"

Anakin blinked lazily at Mace. "I thought it's those horror holovids?"

"Horror holovids, of all of the stupid things!" Mace's stomach rumbled loudly and he disappeared into his quarters, shaking his head in disbelief.

Anakin stood in the empty hall for a few moments staring at Mace's closed door. Then a delicious smell wafted to his nose from somewhere. Turning, he saw the deliveryman coming with the order from Coruscant Pizza. A Twi'lek Youngling was being his guide. "Finally I can eat!"

Anakin waved his hand and the door to his quarters slid open and the Padawan stuck his head within. "Master, the pizza is here!"

Obi-Wan had let Padme out of the closet and the Jedi went to go pay the deliveryman the proper amount of credits. Carrying the food to the table, he set it out while Anakin went to get the glasses for the soda.

"Do you really think they made Blood Pizzas, Master?" Anakin asked as he watched the older Jedi pour the soda into the glasses. "I never knew they'd just put anything onto the pizza. I thought you could only choose from their list of pizza toppings…"

"Well, I was desperate and the idea just popped into my head." Obi-Wan admitted as he felt heat rising into his face slightly. He handed out the three containers of breadsticks and then turned to the boxes of pizza. To his relief, each box was clearly labeled with a sticker on the front. Obi-Wan claimed his normal pizza and then handed the Blood Pizzas to the two vampires.

Anakin held his breath for a moment, unsure what he would find inside. He sniffed the air around the box but only smelled the normal spices, cheese, sausage and so forth. Gripping the opening with his fingernails, he pulled it open, both Padme and Obi-Wan leaned closer to Anakin to see what the Blood Pizza would look like. The lid rose higher and higher and he pushed it back. The large pizza sat before them revealed in all of its glory of melted cheese, spices and pepperoni. The slices of pepperoni had been carefully arranged on top of the pizza so they spelled out the word 'BLOOD'.

Upon seeing the word, the three of them started laughing.

To be continued…

Author's Note: Mace was referring to my other story "Pranks" where Ani & Obi often got loud and noisy at night due to the pranks they would play on each other. Obviously Mace hasn't forgotten.


	18. A Shopping Trip

I'm Sorry 18

Obi-Wan was relaxing in his tiny bedroom, his stomach full of the delicious pizza when he realized he had forgotten to buy more red food for tonight. No matter how much pizza Anakin had eaten for supper, come nightfall the vampire in him will awaken and then he'd be on the prowl to quench his thirst. "And unfortunately for me, his preferred midnight snack is my neck! Why do I have to have these problems? Why can't some other Jedi suffer, one that likes vampires?"

The Jedi emerged from his room and took a moment to peek in on Anakin, fearing he'd catch him mouth-slobbering with that Senator. But to his relief Anakin was sitting at his desk, fingers flying over his computer.

Then Obi-Wan's eyes fell on Anakin's bed and he frowned. The bed's surface was covered with a huge pile of stuff! "Anakin, what in the Force is that junk on your bed?"

"Oh, you mean Padme's hats and hair accessories?" Anakin asked innocently as he raised his blue eyes to gaze at his master. "I already told you about that…"

"But you can't sleep with that junk on your bed. Get rid of it!" Obi-Wan ordered, hands on his hips.

"But where am I supposed to put it? Padme would kill me if I threw it out!" A helpless look appeared on his padawan's face as he patiently waited for an answer. "I can't put it on the floor and the closet is full…"

Obi-Wan huffed in frustration. "I knew there was a reason I disliked Senators and now I like them even less! Before you know it, she'll have our entire apartment stuffed to the ceiling with her clutter!"

"But Master, it's not clutter." Anakin tried to explain as he picked up one of the ridiculously large hats that sparked and shone. A huge clump of feathers stuck out the top, the feathers insanely long. "Look how pretty her hat is!"

"It looks like a murdered bird to me!" The older Jedi grimaced in disgust as he stared at the hat Anakin was holding. "No one needs flashy stuff like that! It's obscene! Shirts, pants, tunics, robes and boots are all one needs! Simple and clean living is the best. If you go down the path the Senator is on, before you know it you'll need several apartments to hold all of the unnecessary junk you have collected!"

"But she's a Senator, not a Jedi!" Anakin protested. "She has to look nice!"

"What's inside a person is more important than their appearance…" Obi-Wan instructed.

"If that were true, then you wouldn't care if Master Windu was a werewolf…" Anakin pointed out as he carefully put the hat back onto the bed.

Obi-Wan gulped nervously as his eyes shot to the window in Anakin's bedroom. It was starting to grow dark and soon the moon would be rising. Worst, Mace had gotten the muzzle off! "Drat! I thought we were safe with him muzzled but the idiot had to get free! Worst, I need to go out to the market…"

Anakin blinked at him innocently.

"Don't try that innocent look on me!" Obi-Wan said in a huff as he shook a finger at the other. "I know what you're thinking! You're thinking of biting me, aren't you?"

"But Master…!" Anakin protested.

"No buts about it! I know you too well!" Obi-Wan pulled out his Padd and started to make a shopping list. The Jedi was so frazzled he started to talk to himself. "I need to buy stronger muzzles, maybe a half dozen…"

"I don't think Master Windu will appreciate it. He was very grumpy about the first one…" Anakin commented. "Besides, Master, to muzzle him you have to get really close…"

"Not if I use the Force I don't!" Obi-Wan grinned as he thought up the plan. "Yes, I'll use the Force to get the muzzle on and then he'll never know it was me…"

"But Master," Anakin pointed out. "You're the only one who's scared of the werewolf. He'll know it was you right away and then you'll get in trouble. Perhaps you should rethink this."

"Hmmmm…." Obi-Wan hummed as he rubbed his chin in thought. "Maybe you're right. And that first muzzle broke too easily. Maybe I need one made from durasteel. But where do I get one? I'll have to look into that. In the meantime I'll have to be extra careful. Why did that drat werewolf have to live across the hall from us?"

"I'm sorry, Master, but I don't know." Anakin sighed as he realized that it was unlikely that Obi-Wan would give up his phobia any time soon. "You had best go shopping before full dark, Master. I'm sure the streets of Coruscant are crawling with werewolves…"

At the words, Obi-Wan made an odd sound and his eyes bugged out. He raced from the bedroom and into the kitchen where he had a pot boiling on the stove. The water contained the weird bundle of plants he had picked up from the hardware store a few days ago, the stuff called wolfsbane. There were no instructions with the small packet and he had been unable to find anything at all in the Jedi Archives. It had been very suspicious really, as there should have been something but there had been zero information on werewolves. He had come to the conclusion that Master Windu had erased it all for his own benefit. And so he had boiled the plant in some water to extract its potent qualities.

The Jedi examined the contents in the pot, pleased to see the amount of water had boiled down to a smaller amount, the odd leaves and stems floating in the liquid. He shut the stove off and removed the pot, cooling it quickly with some ice. Soon the liquid was cool and he ran the wolfsbane tea through a strainer and into a small squirt bottle. The Jedi smiled at his concoction, pleased.

But then his smile faded as uncertainty set in. "I hope this stuff works! I can't have Master Windu chewing my arm off!"

The Jedi started to spray his robes, tunic and other clothing with the now cool liquid.

Little did Obi-Wan know he was spraying himself with poison!

The Jedi stuck the now partly empty bottle into his robe and headed for the apartment door. Here he paused, his nerves jangled. He could imagine the horrible creature he had seen earlier lurking in the dark hall just waiting for him. Its beady eyes would be glowing a fierce red, frothing slobber leaking from its dangerous jaws… The Jedi shivered at the thought. How horrid! "And to think they actually let such a horrid beast into the Jedi Temple! There should be laws to protect all of the innocent Jedi and Younglings!"

Then a lightbulb went off in his head. He quickly ran to get a large sheet of paper that Anakin often used for drawing out the blueprint design of new droids. He snatched a big black marker from the kitchen drawer and wrote NO WEREWOLVES ALLOWED in gigantic letters. "If I'm lucky, this will solve all of my problems!"

The Jedi hurried back to the door and palmed it open. Poking his head out into the corridor, he looked up and down the hall. To his relief, it was deserted as the Tatooine desert. Still, he snuck out on tippy-toe, the sheet of paper clutched in his hand. He had the tape ready and quickly taped the new sign into place right next to Master Windu's door. Tossing the roll of tape back into his apartment, he hurried down the hall.

He was waiting for the lift, his foot tapping the floor impatiently as he eyed the empty hall behind. What if the beast snuck up on him? What if it dragged him into some room to munch on his poor body? Or pulled through a window to the outside and under some shrubs? He had seen exactly that in a holovid recently. The werewolf had grabbed some poor person and had pulled them under some thick bushes to feed. The bloody remains were found the next day.

"I had better be prepared in case Master Windu is in the lift!" Obi-Wan pulled the squirt bottle from his robe and held it at the ready, the nozzle pointing at the lift door. He heard the lift approaching then and his grip on the bottle tightened.

The doors slid open and Obi-Wan shrieked, his finger pumping the bottle like a maniac. The water flew out, spraying the inside of the lift.

"Oh. There's no one there…." Obi-Wan said to the empty lift. The Jedi then frowned. "Drat! I now wasted precious wolfsbane!"

The disgruntled Jedi got into the wet lift and almost slipped, his boot sliding out from underneath him. Wet durasteel was incredibly slippery. He clung to the little round hand bar in the lift and tried to get his boots underneath himself but they kept sliding. And so the Jedi rode the lift in a weird fashion, legs akimbo and clinging to the bar as if for his very life until the lift reached the hangar deck he had wanted. He then threw himself out, plopping to the dry floor with a loud thud and landing on his stomach. He lay there for a long moment, just breathing.

"This Temple is getting worse and worse by the day!" Obi-Wan grumbled as he picked himself up and headed towards his airspeeder. "First vampires, then werewolves and now the lifts are slippery! When will it all end?"

000

Master Windu entered the Jedi Temple through the main doors, a heavy package of fresh meat in his clawed furry hands. He passed other Jedi and many called warm greetings to him, easily recognizing the famed Jedi Council member in his werewolf form. He called back to them in a friendly fashion, his sharp sense of smell not finding the slightest trace of fear from his peers.

He really didn't understand Master Kenobi's fears of him. There were many other furry species in the Temple, many with claws or pointed teeth and yet he didn't fear those. He would meditate on the problem after devouring the raw steaks and ribs he had picked up. He could smell the delicious aroma leaking from his package and his mouth watered. The mess with Palpatine had made him very hungry indeed.

He reached the lift and pressed the button. When it arrived and the doors opened, a noxious stink hit him in the face. It was so powerful he staggered backward, his head reeling from the fumes. He had never smelled anything like it before. It was worst than garbage, worst than a stinking corpse, worse than everything he could think of.

"Air, air!" Mace stumbled back the way he came on weak knees, one arm clutching his sack of raw meat. As he went, his mind was clicking. He hadn't seen anything in the lift, nothing obvious anyway. But he instinctively knew who had stunk it up: the Sith. It was another assassination attempt!

His breathing recovered and he dashed to the more populated area of the Temple, the area he had been moments ago saying friendly hellos. "The Sith, the Sith was here!"

Jedi paused to gawk at him. A few reached for their lightsabers, but most just stared.

Mace hurried over to a comlink on the wall, as he needed to call a Council Meeting to discuss this new shrewd attack. The evidence needed to be collected and the lift had to be put out of service. They also needed to collect whatever substance had been used.

"Master Windu, I heard you I did." A voice floated from nearby.

The werewolf turned to see Master Yoda approaching slowly, a cane in his hand. His sharp beady eyes noted that the elderly Jedi's robes had big dark patches on them as if they were wet. He wrinkled his nose, the flexible snout moving and shifting as he sniffed at the air. It was THAT SMELL!

"Sith did you see?" Yoda asked as he continued to walk closer to his friend.

"Stay away!" Mace wailed as he waved a clawed hand in the air, motioning for Yoda to come no closer.

"Problem be what? Why come no closer do I?" Yoda asked as he tilted his head, clearly confused. "Sith I did not see."

"The stench!" Mace wailed as he quickly covered his nose with his clawed hands, dropping his package of meat in the process.

"Where stench be? Smell nothing I do."

"How can you not smell that?" Mace howled, the awful smell working itself up into his nose. His eyes were watering badly, the salty streams causing an intense burning sensation. Or maybe it was fumes from the noxious substance causing it. Whatever was causing it; he couldn't see anything and was blinded.

"Smell nothing I do. Explain you will." Yoda prodded with concern in his voice.

"You stink!" The werewolf cried and tried to run away from the bad odor on Yoda's robes but he couldn't see where he was going and so tripped over a chair and landed with his snout in a potted plant.

"Stink do I?" Yoda lifted one arm and cautiously sniffed at his robe. "Smell nothing do I. Told you this before."

"It's that lift that stinks!" Mace howled once he spat the plant out.

"Water on floor of lift there was. Fall I did. Made robes wet it did. Stink be water?"

"That isn't any water! It's some toxic substance!" The werewolf growled in agony and weakly tried to pick himself up. Yoda must have moved closer as the smell was overwhelming now, his head spinning. With a final weak growl, Master Windu passed out with his head in the damaged flower pot.

Yoda stared at him sadly for a moment and then ordered another Jedi to quickly call the medics. "Master Windu sick clearly is."

Soon the medics appeared and hauled Windu away to the Jedi Infirmary.

000

Obi-Wan landed his airspeeder near the market and climbed out. He checked his watch and feared they might close soon. "Or was that the hardware store that closed early? I can never remember…"

The Jedi hurried towards the doors never seeing the giant glowing neon words of "24 HOUR SUPERMARKET" up above his head. He raced at the doors and collided with them, his nose being squashed against the blaster-proof glass. The Jedi had moved too quickly for the sensor to see him coming and open the doors. The Jedi peeled himself off of the glass. "Drat! The doors are broken! That's my rotten luck!"

With a sliding hand motion, he forced them open with a loud squealing and hurried within. Grabbing a cart, he sped into the produce area and skidded to a halt but not before striking a display of tiny round nuts with the front of his cart. Instantly the neat pile collapsed. Hundreds of the small brown nuts cascaded off of the table and onto the floor. The sound was akin to hail on a roof. Unfortunately, the floor was almost the same exact shade and so the nuts were practically invisible.

Obi-Wan stood still, his blue eyes wide as can be. Slowly he peered around to see if there had been any witnesses to the accident. Not seeing any, he breathed a sigh of relief and tried to sneak away from the scene of the crime. He spotted a very convenient SOLD OUT sign perched on a different table and called it to him with the Force. He promptly placed it on the nut table.

He took exactly three steps and ended up lying in his back staring up at the ceiling. "Drat! This place is worse than that lift was!"

The Jedi crawled to his feet and took hold of his shopping cart again. This time he wisely slid his boots along the floor, pushing nuts out of the way as he went. "Now where are those tomatoes? I know Anakin likes those…"

And although he traveled around the gigantic produce section he wasn't able to find them. Then he realized that's what the SOLD OUT table had held. He examined the table in question and quickly realized there had been a sale. "A sale on beefsteak tomatoes and I missed it! I could have stocked up!"

The Jedi thought sadly of the yummy homemade sauce he could have made.

"Well, I'll have to find something else that's red for my thirsty padawan."

Obi-Wan slid about in a skiing motion, examining what was available. Peppers were out as they were too dry and Anakin didn't really like them, especially the hot ones. Then he saw a display of watermelons and decided to get one of them. The insides were bright red and full of enough juice to satisfy the hungriest vampire. He started to examine each one, thumping on them without the slightest idea of what he was doing. You were supposed to thump on them, right? Finally he settled on the largest one and used the Force to pick it up and put it into his cart.

A loud yelp interrupted his thoughts and he turned in time to see someone picking themselves up off the floor. It was Yarael Poof, member of the Jedi Council. The long necked Jedi seemed shocked that he had fallen down and had a somewhat embarrassed look on his face. As Obi-Wan watched, the Jedi Master took another step and promptly vanished from sight, obviously having slipped again. Obi-Wan shook his head sadly. Clearly Yarael Poof had never gone skiing.

Sliding his boots along, he picked up other items he needed. He would make a healthy soup. Then he spotted some bizarre red oval fruits he had never seen before. The Jedi picked one up and studied it closely. It was about the size of a large orange except it was dark red and felt a good weight. Glancing up at the sign, he saw it said POMEGRANATES. "Maybe I should get some of these things…"

A strangled gasp interrupted him though and Obi-Wan turned at the sound. Yarael Poof had somehow gotten his long neck and head stuck within the chains on the hanging vegetable scale, his feet no longer under him. He had obviously slipped on a nut, fell forward, his head slid between the chains and like magic he had been trapped. Poof was hanging there, arms waving wildly and shrieking as loudly as can be. The four metal chains attached to the pan turned into a single chain that dangled from the ceiling.

"Of all of the stupid things!" Obi-Wan said as he started to raise his hand to use the Force. But before he could do anything, the long chain attached to the ceiling snapped and Poof fell to the floor. The alien lay there for a moment, moaning. The metal pan of the scale was still stuck on his face, the chains wrapped around his melon-like head. The big circular clock-like face of the scale dangled along the side of his head.

An employee ran towards Poof and went flying in a spectacular fashion. He sailed through the air and landed on a table of berries, squishing them. When he slid off of the table and onto the floor, his chest was covered in red. It was berry juice, though, and not blood.

He was pretty sure it was berry juice…

Obi-Wan decided to leave that very moment. He threw several pomegranates into his cart and skied to the checkout. He quickly paid for his purchases and headed out to his speeder, his purchases floating behind him with the Force. Just as he was getting into his airspeeder, the screaming sirens and flashing strobe lights of an ambulance came into the lot, a second right behind the first.

Without wasting time, Obi-Wan took off. He was about to fly up into the appropriate air lane that would take him to the Jedi Temple when the holovid store across the way caught his eye. He zoomed over there instead and parked, heading in. He went straight to the horror section and started to browse what was available.

"I wonder if there are any vampire ones..." the Jedi muttered to himself. He had never seen a vampire one before and thought it might be educational. "I really should take notes when I watch these holovids…"

"Vampire, vampire, vampire, why are there no blasted vampire ones?" The Jedi grumbled in annoyance. He stalked to the clerk that was manning the store. "Don't you have any vampire vids?"

"Try the drama section." The alien replied without looking from its magazine.

"Drama? Why in the Force would it be there?" Obi-Wan asked in confusion. "Surely vampires belong in horror, don't they?"

"Hey, I just stock them and put 'em where I'm told. Vids are marked by the publisher, not me! I only know there's a popular one in drama."

The Jedi rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath about insanity. He was living with one, no two, vampires and it was horrible! Anyone who thought it was drama must have gotten blaster-shocked to the head! Still, Obi-Wan dutifully strolled around the large holovid store searching for the drama section. He only knew where the horror section was as he favored those. It turned out drama was hidden away in the far corner. He was about to pick up a holovid when a big clump of shrieking teenage girls came along and practically cleaned out the one part of the shelf. The Jedi stared at them in confusion, clearly having no idea about what was going on. But he did pick up on the word "vampire".

The Jedi inched closer, ease dropping. He skied sideways until he was practically next to them. Yes, they were talking about some vampire all right. He craned his neck to see the cover of the holovid they held and promptly memorized its cover. There was a young human man and woman on it, possibly still school age. In fact, they looked near Anakin's age. His sharp eyes then scanned the shelf for another copy of the popular vampire holovid.

He saw one, the last one left, and reached for it. Just as his hand gripped it, another hand grabbed it as well. Obi-Wan held on though, tightening his grip and turned to see one of the excited blabbering girls. "Let go of the holovid. I had it first."

"It's mine!" The blonde teenage girl cried. "Why would you want to watch it for? You're like, old!"

"You girls have enough copies." Obi-Wan pointed out and it was true, as each girl had a copy held against her chest. "I need this for scientific research. My need is greater than yours."

"What?" The girls stared at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that my unruly padawan is a vampire and he's constantly biting me! I need to watch this to learn how to get him to stop such rude behavior."

The girls grew silent as they stared at him.

It was so still in the holovid store that the Jedi could hear the clerk flipping the pages of his magazine way up at the front. A cold chill swept down his back and he shivered. "I suddenly have a bad feeling…"

The girls jumped at him, all shrieking like banshees in excitement. "A vampire, a REAL vampire! We just HAVE to meet him!"

"AAaaahhhhhh!" Obi-Wan screamed in fear as he was mobbed. He shoved them off of himself or tried to anyway. They had more tentacles than a salaac! They pulled at his robe, nearly tearing it off of his body. He feared he might lose it and the precious bottle of wolfsbane that was in its pocket. This attack was far worse than Darth Maul, far worse than Count Dooku. These screaming, shrieking girls made the two Siths look like harmless puppies. He finally resorted to using the Force to fling them away from himself. The moment his clothes was free of grasping hands, he turn and ran for it.

The shrieking started up behind him and put real fear in his heart. He put on greater speed and raced through the aisles of holovid shelves, hoping he could find the exit. Their shoes clunked loudly on the floor, their excited voices babbling on about meeting a real vampire.

"These girls are insane!" Obi-Wan cried as he finally spied the exit and ran past, tossing credits at the clerk as he zoomed past. The door was the push open kind and within a blink he was outside and leaping into his airspeeder. He was just taking the controls in his hands when he saw the girls exit the store.

A moment later he took to the air, flying up at a steep angle.

The girls had an airspeeder, too, a cherry red convertible.

Obi-Wan gulped at the sight of it and fled into a crowded traffic lane, hoping he could lose them. He kept switching traffic lanes, zooming here and there but they stayed right with him. "Blast! How could they be such expert drivers? I should have lost them long ago!"

Giving up hope, the Jedi sped towards the Temple, parked his airspeeder as quickly as he could and raced in through the doors at record speed. He had the mind to bring his needed groceries in with him, shoving them in front of him with the Force. Once he was safely within the Temple, he flipped the locks on the doors. If there were any Jedi out, well, too bad!

Seconds after he had flipped the locks, the girls plastered their faces, hands and bodies against the glass doors. They started to yell at him, pounding on the glass with their fists.

Obi-Wan shivered at the sight. "They're worst than minocks!"

The Jedi straightened his robes about himself and gathered his groceries with the Force. He needed to hurry away before anyone realized he was involved in this new mess. He hurried down the hall and paused when he saw a paper sack resting on the floor, no one in sight. Nearby there was a knocked over chair and a plant that rested at a crazy angle in its pot. Bits of ground littered the floor. Nosy, Obi-Wan called the sack over with the Force and peered within. To his surprise it was filled with excellent cuts of steak and ribs. He felt them with his hand and to his delight they were still cold. "Finally some good luck!"

Holding the bag of meat, Obi-Wan cautiously entered the lift with his groceries in tow. The floor seemed dry and his boots did not slide. Pressing the button for his floor, he hummed a merry tune to calm himself. Like it or not, he had to face two hungry vampires and who knows where that werewolf was? He exited the lift and hurried down the hall to his apartment. The sign he had hung up was still there and the slathering hungry beast was not in sight.

The Jedi sighed in relief.

TBC…

I realize I didn't update this in ages but here is another chapter. I started working on chapters for a few of the other SW ones, too… Anyway, hope this was funny.


	19. A Bit of Blood and Wolfsbane

I'm Sorry Master 19

Obi-Wan hurried to his door and entered his apartment. Moments after he did so, he tripped over the roll of tape he had so carelessly tossed in before he had gone shopping. He pin-wheeled his arms madly to catch his balance but it was useless and he fell flat on his face. There was a loud _crunch_ and pain shot through his nose. A loud shriek escaped his mouth then as the white-hot pain grew worst. Quickly he rolled over and sat up.

He then noticed moisture running over his lips and onto his chin, into his beard. Lifting a hand, he touched the wetness. It felt slippery and slick. "Oh no, I hope it's not blood…"

But when the Jedi held his hand out before his horrified eyes he saw it was blood. His fingers were smeared with it and it was now leaking all over the front of his tunic.

"Master, is that you?" Anakin's voice called from within his bedroom.

"Yes, I just got home!" Obi-Wan said in reply, trying to keep the pain out of his voice, but to his utter disappointment his voice sounded funny. Maybe it had something to do with his busted nose…

_Please, please, don't let Anakin smell the blood…_

"What's that I smell?" Anakin asked over the loud squeak of a chair moving across the floor. "Is that blood? Master, are you all right? Why is there a sudden sharp pain radiating from you?"

Wild panic shot through the Jedi at the words and his eyes bugged out. He scrambled to his feet and sped to the bathroom, locking the door. Once it was closed and locked, he collapsed against it with his back for a few brief seconds. This was bad, very bad! Anakin was going to get him! The huge amount of blood gushing out of his nose would guarantee it! His heart pounded like a racing drum and his blue eyes took on a wild, crazy glaze.

Then he noticed a cool wetness running down the outside of his right leg. His heart skipped a beat then, his fright increasing.

_Not more blood!_

But when the Jedi lifted his robe to examine his white pants he only saw a dark stain instead of red. At first this confused him but then he realized that in his fall he must have cracked the bottle of wolfsbane and it was leaking along his leg. "Not my precious wolfsbane! I need it for that stupid werewolf!"

Obi-Wan quickly pulled the bottle from his robe pocket and it was as he had feared: a big crack in the plastic. He could see the water gushing out. It ran over his hand, down his wrist and arm to slide into his sleeve. Frantically he gazed about, his head flying this way and that way for a container, any kind of container to catch the liquid in. His eyes fell on the plastic cup that held their toothbrushes and he hurried over to it. The toothbrushes were carelessly tossed out and the wolfsbane poured in. Then and only then did he breathe a sigh of relief.

"Master!" Anakin's concerned voice called from the other side of the door. "Are you OK in there? I'm worried about you and I smell a lot of blood…"

"I'm fine!" Obi-Wan lied as he quickly snatched a huge wad of toilet tissue and clumped it under his nose. "I … I just sliced my finger a bit!"

"Are you sure…?" Anakin sounded doubtful.

"Yes!" Obi-Wan carefully touched his nose and winched in pain. "Could you please put the groceries away?"

"Of course, Master. Do you want me to help heal your finger? I could suck on it a bit…"

"NO!" The Jedi shivered in horror at the thought. It was what he had feared; the smell of blood had brought out his padawan's unnatural thirst. "Just put away the groceries, please. I bought a huge watermelon for you tonight, enough for you and the Senator…"

Anakin sighed loudly, apparently disappointed greatly.

Obi-Wan listened to the footsteps moving away and then he allowed himself to collapse atop the closed toilet seat. He would have to try healing his broken nose with his Jedi abilities. It was just a minor injury as Jedi went, so he shouldn't need the infirmary at all. He went into the trance and within some time the nose was healed, the bone fixed as if it had never been broken. Obi-Wan carefully washed his face and emerged from the bathroom.

And caught his padawan licking something red off of his fingers. He was standing there with eyes closed, a look of pleasure on his face.

The Jedi narrowed his eyes suspiciously. The red stuff, whatever it was, was dark and somewhat thick. It certainly didn't look like melon juice. "Anakin, what is that you're eating?"

"Just some blood, Master. I found it on the floor near the door, a tantalizing puddle of it!" Anakin licked his lips and then focused his eyes on his master.

His eyes were blood red.

Obi-Wan gulped and took a few uncertain steps backward. "Now Anakin, control yourself! I'm not a meal for you!"

"But you smell divine!" Anakin smiled, his smile revealing a pair of long sharp fangs.

Obi-Wan shrieked as loudly as he could and tried to run for his room, but before he got very far a heavy weight leaped onto his back and knocked him down. He feared to feel sharp teeth pierce his poor neck at any moment but instead he was rolled over onto his back. He gazed upward fearfully and saw his worst nightmare: Anakin sitting on top of him and staring downward with that intense starving look, his teeth dripping saliva. Then the next second his padawan stuct like a snake. The motion was so fast the poor Jedi couldn't do anything. He felt an odd sensation then, a lifting. Then there was a great tearing sound and he was rudely dropped back down onto the floor with a solid thud.

Anakin had a large piece of blood-stained tunic hanging out of his mouth.

The Jedi gawked at that for a few brief seconds as his frightened brain tried to process what it saw, but it was too much. It just made no sense to the Jedi.

Then a slim hand shot into view, one with painted fingernails and outrageous jewelry flashing on it. The hand gripped the soiled piece of tunic from Anakin's mouth and the next thing the Jedi knew is he heard footsteps running away.

"Hey! That's mine!" Anakin protested as he leaped up to go chase Padme. "Give me that back!"

"No!" She shouted. "I'm hungry! There's no blood to eat here!"

"Master bought us a watermelon…" Anakin explained as he disappeared from sight, still chasing her.

"But I don't _want_ watermelon! I'm a vampire and I want blood!" She protested.

"I don't think I'm allowed any blood…" Anakin wailed sadly. "Let's share the bounty on that bit of tunic!"

Obi-Wan heard enough. Just as the two started a tug-o-war in the kitchen over the blood stain bit of tunic, the Jedi climbed to his feet and escaped to the relative safety of his bedroom. Making sure the door was locked; he sunk onto his bed and held his head. "Living with these vampires is worst than I thought! They even fight over blood stained rags!"

He duly noted his leg, the one that had gotten wet, felt a bit funny but he ignored it. Maybe he had injured it in the fall when Anakin had leaped onto his back. It was tingling, which was a sensation he had never felt before. Unknown to Obi-Wan, the spilled wolfsbane was starting to work on him as it had sunk into his skin. Wolfsbane was a poison in large amounts but in smaller doses it could act like a drug, a drug that could make him see things that really were not there.

For some unknown reason he lifted his hand up to look at it and almost had a heart attack.

"My hand, my hand!" Obi-Wan shrieked in a wild panic. "It's covered in fur!"

The Jedi saw long crooked fingers, fingers that were covered in a thick reddish-brown fur. Wickedly sharp fingernails that were claw-like grew from the tips. He closed his eyes, willing for the awful sight to go away but when he opened them it was still there. What was wrong with him?

But in his gut he knew…

_I'm a werewolf!_

"That blasted werewolf! He gave me his awful disease somehow!"

But how had it happened? All of the holovids he saw on werewolves said one had to be scratched or bit by one to catch it and that hadn't happened, not that he knew of anyway…unless some of the creature's saliva had flown on him? Was that it? "Ooooh, my life is _ruined_!"

Obi-Wan lay stretched out on his bed, his mind in chaos. His heart was pounding incredibly fast. He could actually _feel_ it thumping away. _Thump. Thump. Thump._ And the room was too hot; it felt like an oven.

"Why is it so hot and stifling in here?" The Jedi complained as he felt sweat pouring out of his pores and running down his face. His ruined clothing was sticking unpleasantly to his body as it grew drenched in sweat. What was that boy doing? Was he messing with the oven or something? Had he and that blasted Senator started a fire and then fled? Crazy idea after crazy idea flirted through his brain as his body temperature continued to soar.

Sick of laying in a sauna, Obi-Wan heaved himself upward. As he did the room seemed to spin crazily around and around. Startled at the sight, he quickly put a hand on the mattress to steady himself. He glanced down fearfully at his now hated hand and saw it was still furry. "That blasted Mace! I'm going to kill him for this!"

After sitting there for some minutes, the sweat stinging his blue eyes painfully, he pushed himself to his feet. The room had stopped spinning and had decided to behave normally. He needed to get undressed due to the heat. Besides, the sweat-soaked clothes sickened him with the clammy dampness and the sour odor. "Oh, wait, I need to remove my boots first…what was I thinking?"

And so the Jedi sat back down, landing heavily on the mattress. He slowly lifted a leg up and tried to grab the boot, but his arms suddenly seemed too short. And so he reached again, leaning forward and tumbled right off of the bed. He landed on the floor with a loud thud, his shoulder, arm and side striking first. Obi-Wan lay there for some time lightly dazed, staring up at the ceiling. Then he remembered he was too hot and so went after the boot again. He managed to grab it this time and pulled. But the boot was stubborn and didn't want to come off. He gripped it harder, his face turning red and his arms straining and finally it popped free. The activity left him gasping for air on the floor, almost exhausted.

Every so slowly he raised his now naked foot, afraid of what he might see. His sock had apparently been lost inside the boot. But his eyes were shut tight, his leg trembling from the simple act of holding his leg aloft.

"I have to look." Obi-Wan told himself. "Fear leads to the Dark Side so I cannot be scared. But what if it's furry and deformed like my hands? How could I live with that?"

Finally he cracked his eyes open a bit and peeked. A long, fur-covered thing was poking out from the bottom of his pant leg. The foot part was insanely long and he could see little black claws poking out at the toes. No doubt he had pink pads on the bottom, too. "Uggh! It's worst than I thought!"

The Jedi collapsed back onto the floor, laying there with limbs spread.

Then his stomach rumbled loudly.

The image of the plump red steaks appeared in his mind, the ones he had found. They had looked so nice and bloody…

A horrified look appeared on Obi-Wan's face then and he shot upright to a sitting position, both hands clamped over his mouth.

_What am I thinking? I can't eat that! It's sickening!_

But he had been thinking it…

"I will not eat them! I am a dignified Jedi, not some barbarian that eats raw meat!" He crossed his arms over his chest and decided to just ignore the sudden urge. Werewolf or not, he was _not_ going to start eating that way!

But his stomach rumbled again, this time painfully.

Without realizing he was doing so, he climbed to his feet and threw off his ruined clothing. The wet outer robe went first and then the tunic with the big hole chewed out of it. He had a shirt under that, a white one, and that went too. When he glanced down at his bare chest, all he saw was damp fur. Feeling slightly cooler in just his white pants, he limped out of his bedroom wearing only one boot. He knew exactly where he was going: the kitchen.

When he entered the desired room, he instantly saw Anakin and Padme. They had the torn bit of tunic in a bowl of water and were busy stirring it with a fork. The water was quickly turning red as the blood was released.

"Master, are you all right?" Anakin asked with concern in his voice and on his face. "Why are you bare-chested? And you're sweating awfully hard! Are you ill?"

"It's that blasted Mace!" Obi-Wan complained as he headed to the refrigerator and opened the door, peering within. "He infected me somehow with his stupid disease and now I'm a werewolf!"

Anakin stared at him confused. "But Master, you're not a werewolf…"

"Of course I am!" The Jedi exclaimed as he turned around and held up his fur-covered hands. "Look at my poor hands! They've covered in fur and have big black claws on the tip!"

"But your hands look normal…" Anakin replied. "I know you're upset with Master Windu being a werewolf but I don't understand why you see things that are not there…"

"Well, _I_ see it." The Jedi turned back to the open refrigerator and pulled out the top package of steak. The meat was a good shade of bright red with a small pool of blood at the bottom of the tray in was in. The Jedi was convinced he could smell it and he licked his lips. Closing the door, he set the package on the table. Truthfully, he was surprised the hungry vampires hadn't gulped it down already…

But vampires only drank blood…

He, on the other hand, was a werewolf and werewolves ate _meat_.

"Master, what are you doing?" Anakin hurried over to the older Jedi and grabbed his hands, pulling them away from the package of raw steak. "Surely you're not going to eat that, raw and uncooked. You'd get sick!"

"Let go of me, Anakin! I'm a werewolf and that's what werewolves eat!" The Jedi huffed as he tried to pull free. And although he claimed he were a werewolf, he couldn't pull free of the vampire's strong grasp. Beads of sweat ran down his ruddy face and his hair was soaked through. His skin glistened and shone in the kitchen's artificial lighting.

"Master, clearly you're not well. I'll need to call the medics." Anakin said sadly. "And you have a fever. I should have realized that earlier."

"It's too bloody hot in here!" Obi-Wan complained as he continued to sweat heavily.

Anakin made the call and he remembered to ask Padme to hide in one of the bedrooms, knowing his Master would want that. Then once they arrived, he accompanied them down to the medical center. Soon it was determined that a strange hallucinogenic drug was in his system, one that was called monkshood. The plant also was commonly called wolfsbane. Obi-Wan was treated and was put into a nice room.

His roommate was none other than Master Mace Windu.

TBC…


	20. Master Mace

I'm Sorry Master 20

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and almost instantly realized he was in the Jedi Medical Center. He stared up at the ceiling and tried to recall why he was there and couldn't. Had Anakin attacked him? He certainly recalled how unnaturally bloodthirsty the young man was. Unsure of what injuries he may have, he cautiously stretched. Feeling all right, he chanced sitting up.

Then he made the mistake of turning his head.

"Aahhhhhhh!" Obi-Wan shrieked in fright when he saw the werewolf in the next bed over. It was sitting there watching him with those red beady eyes. "It's the werewolf! HELP! HELP! A WEREWOLF!"

Mace groaned and hid his snout in his furry hands. "Out of all of the people in this Temple, why did it have to be you?"

The Jedi scrambled out of his bed and hurried for the door, uncaring his was wearing the hospital's gown. Unfortunately for Obi-Wan, he hadn't noticed the long wires that were taped onto his skin and stretched to machines that monitored his current condition. When he got a certain distance from the bed, he was yanked right off of his feet and fell to the floor. He landed heavily on his back and lay there for a moment, dazed.

"I'm cursed…" Mace wailed unhappily. "I can't even get any rest in the hospital!"

The door to the room opened and a Jedi medic came hurrying in. She spotted Obi-Wan on the floor and helped him up. "What were you doing in here? Your heart rate just skyrocketed!"

Obi-Wan pointed a trembling finger at Mace. "It's his fault! He was trying to eat me!"

"Oh for Force sake!" Mace growled with utter disgust. "Stop that nonsense!"

But the medic just looked at Master Windu. "Were you trying to eat him?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why would he say that?" The medic asked as she knew Jedi normally did not lie.

"He has a werewolf phobia." Mace explained in a sour tone. "It's from those stupid werewolf horror vids he watches. And when he found out I was a werewolf, all he has been doing is shouting "It's the werewolf" and making tons of extra noise … as if he didn't already make tons of noise. He actually stuck a muzzle on my face the other day."

The medic frowned at the news. "A phobia can be a very difficult thing to cure."

"Well, I don't want to listen to his frantic shouts every day…" Mace replied as he stared at Obi-Wan. The Jedi was standing perfectly still and clinging to the medic. That alone was odd as he knew Master Kenobi avoided female contact like the plague. And those egg-like eyes…by the Force, they were actually bulging out from the sockets! "I'm going to try reasoning with him."

"I don't think that will work." The medic told him, frowning.

"I'm going to try it anyway…" Mace declared.

000

Obi-Wan was released from the Jedi hospital with orders to stay away from wolfsbane. He was informed it was a nasty poison and he was darn lucky to be alive. The Jedi gulped and quickly apologized for his errors. He had just settled down to watch the vampire holovid when someone rapped at his door. "Now who could that be?"

Getting up, Obi-Wan went to answer it.

And promptly slammed it shut when he saw the horrid werewolf standing there.

Master Mace had been expecting that, however, and he had quickly stuck the handle of his lightsaber into the door. Using the Force, he forced it open and grabbed the fleeing Jedi by his tunic. "Now listen here, Obi-Wan. I'm not going to hurt you. I have no intentions to hurt you. I don't understand why you're scared of me, but we need to fix this."

Obi-Wan looked at him horrified. Those red eyes, those sharp teeth, those big sharp claws hanging onto his poor tunic! "Aaahhhhhhh!"

"Stop that shrieking!" Mace ordered and dragged the terrified Jedi over to the holovision that was set on pause. "I see you have a holovid ready to go. Let's see what sort of nonsense you've been watching…"

Mace shoved Obi-Wan onto the sofa and sat down himself. He then picked up the remote control and pushed the "play" button. Soon the vampire movie started. Well, Mace didn't realize it was a vampire movie yet. The werewolf sat there gawking at the teenagers going to school, utterly confused. "What _is_ this…?"

But Obi-Wan's blue eyes could only watch the werewolf's every little move.

The more Mace watched the movie, the more confused he got. The teens were in science class, they went shopping for dresses and to a bookstore. One girl got saved from an airspeeder crushing her. It was all boring stuff about teens! The werewolf yawned, bored to death. His mouth opened wide, his sharp teeth glinting in the light from the holovision set. He had forgotten about his companion's phobia…

"DIE!"

The shout made Mace turn his head. Something whacked him on the head the next instant. Luckily for Master Windu, it was just a pillow from the sofa. The Jedi had gone bonkers and was busy beating on him with a pillow, a crazed look in his eyes. Fearing the man might recall he had a lightsaber at any moment, Master Mace escaped out of Obi-Wan's apartment and to his own. Once there, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I have got to do something about that Obi-Wan, but what?" Mace moaned unhappily. His eyes fell onto the nasty sign he had found hanging out in the hallway: NO WEREWOLVES ALLOWED! It had been waiting there when he had been released from the hospital. He didn't have to ask who had put it there. It was obvious.

Mace raked his brain for an answer but none came to mind. Why couldn't he be scared of someone else? How about Master Yoda? He had those big ears and there were kind of pointed… Mace shook his head sadly. Master Yoda didn't _look_ dangerous at all. "If I could just shove his phobia off of me and onto someone else…"

The Jedi Master smiled at the idea, chuckling. It would be funny to see Obi-Wan pointing a finger at some other poor sap and screaming nonsense at him. But who? No one fit the bill. He needed someone that looked more frightening and more dangerous than a werewolf.

"Drat!" Mace fumed as he kicked at his stuffed chair in annoyance. "Why can't we have some slathering beast with big razor sharp teeth and glowing red eyes? Now that would fit the bill perfectly!"

Unknowingly, Mace had just described himself perfectly.

He sat down to watch one of his own holovids, an animated one from some other world. It had been translated into basic so he could understand it. The cartoon was about demons, oddly enough. The Jedi watched, a thoughtful look on his furry face. He scratched his chin. Then a big toothy smile broke out.

It was perfect!

Mace switched the cartoon to pause and hurried to go write Obi-Wan a note. As he scribbled furiously, tears leaked out from his red eyes and his body quivered with laughter.

He would push Obi-Wan's paranoia onto an _empty room_!

000

Obi-Wan stood in his apartment the next day. He felt awful. He had been awake most of the night due to that horrid beast _attacking_ him on the sofa! But he opened the letter he had received from the Jedi Council, half fearing it was a reprimand from beating Master Windu with the pillow.

_Dear Master Kenobi,_

_Please be informed the empty room to your right is no longer empty. A pair of demons has moved in. Please treat them politely. We of the Jedi Council are not prejudice against other species…_

_The Jedi Council_

"DEMONS?" Obi-Wan shrieked after reading the letter twice. "That's worst than werewolves!"

TBC…


	21. A Snack

I'm Sorry Master 21

Obi-Wan reread the letter from the Jedi Council for what seemed like the hundredth time but no matter how many times he read it, it still said the same thing. "Blast! Now I'm trapped in this apartment with the blood sucking vampires! I don't dare go out! What is wrong with the Council, first werewolves and now freaking demons!"

Anakin appeared the next moment, Padme hot on his heels. "I heard you shout, Master. What's wrong?"

"Anakin, I forbid you to leave this apartment!" the Jedi told him in a strict voice as he waved the letter in his face. "The insane Council has put demons in the room next to us, can you believe that? It's insane I tell you, insane!"

But the young Jedi did not seemed concerned at all. "I'm sure it's a joke, Master."

"A joke? But the Council does not joke, they're always very serious! I fear this is the sort of stupid thing they would do! They see nothing wrong with vampires or that hungry werewolf across the hall, so why not demons as well?"

Anakin sighed loudly. "I'm deeply sorry that there are demons living next door now…"

By the expression on his padawan's face, the Jedi could tell that Anakin didn't believe one word about the demons. This annoyed him greatly, as he was just trying to protect Anakin as best he could. "Go and do your work!"

"Yes, Master." Anakin turned and headed back to his room, Padme following him.

Once they had left, Obi-Wan stood there and didn't know what to do. The thing is, he didn't know anything about demons. "But if I can't go out, then those hungry vampires will be after my neck!"

The Jedi darted to the kitchen to see what red foods he still had on hand. The giant watermelon had been sucked dry last night by the hungry creatures. Luckily, he had remembered to slice the melon in half to reveal the tasty red innards. He figured that with each eating half, it was enough to fill them up all night. It was, but then he had been forced to listen to the two running up and back to the bathroom all night, the door slamming. Apparently it had been too juicy… It hadn't mattered, as he couldn't sleep anyway.

"Well, I still have these red things…" Obi-Wan said as he held the pomegranates. He left them on the kitchen table where the vampires would hopefully find them later. The Jedi then headed towards the living room to watch the vampire holovid that Master Mace had ruined yesterday. But after it started, he fell asleep, his mouth wide and snores pouring forth.

The hours passed and Obi-Wan slept, exhausted from his horrible ordeal with Mace. He forgot to prepare supper as he was fast asleep.

The sun soon set and Anakin crept out of his room, Padme hot on his heels. The two were starving, their long fangs protruding from their hungry mouths. The padawan spied his sleeping master and licked his lips hungrily, but headed to the kitchen first.

"What are these things?" Padme asked him as she stared at the exotic fruits. "Why is there never any blood in this place?"

Anakin picked the fruit up unhappily, staring at it. It was a lovely shade of dark red but he really desired blood. "Master expects us to eat these…"

"But it's not blood." She pointed out. "How can you live on this stuff?"

"With great difficulty." Anakin replied unhappily. "But what else can I do? He hates getting bit."

"Well, I never had this problem before. I just went out and got the blood I needed!" Padme stretched her arms up high, her big bat-like wings stretching out as well. She opened the kitchen window and climbed up onto the sill. "You stay here and wait until I return. I'll bring us some blood…"

Anakin watched his wife fly away on the night wind, the refreshing breeze blowing in the window. It had never occurred to him to go out and bite someone else, not when he had his Master right here. It was too much fun playing the game of vampire and prey. His feet moved on their own and he soon found himself staring down at his sleeping Master. Slowly he leaned forward, his mouth open and fangs protruding. "Just a little sip, the merest snack…"

His teeth touched Obi-Wan's soft skin and he bit, drinking. Obi-Wan moaned in his sleep but otherwise didn't wake up. Anakin straightened, smacking his lips.

He heard a sound in the kitchen then and went to investigate. It was Padme and she eagerly showed him several glass pint bottles in her shopping bag. All of the bottles had labels loudly proclaiming they were either cherry juice or cranberry juice. Anakin stared at them confused. "I thought you were getting us blood?"

"It is blood! I hid it in these fruit bottles so Obi-Wan won't know what it is."

The padawan grinned and poured a big glass. He sipped it, but somehow it didn't taste as good as his Master's blood. He watched as Padme stuffed the bottles in the refrigerator, pleased with her own cleverness.

"I hope poor Master doesn't drink it, thinking its real juice…"

Across the hall, the werewolf was very happy indeed. "Finally some peace and quiet for one night!"

TBC…


End file.
